Previously on Buffy: Over various scenes from past seasons of our favorite platinum blond vampire, Giles narrates that Spike, also known as William the Bloody, has killed two slayers in the past century. Clip of Buffy and Spike fighting from some second-season episode I've not seen. Spike gets chipped and now can't harm anyone. Spike dreams of kissing Buffy and confessing his love; he wakes up horrified. Is that scene going to be in every previouslys for the rest of the season? It's titillating and all, but I'm getting sick of it. Buffy needs to know more about slayerness in order to become stronger.
A few quick notes from your recapper: First, you might find this recap is not as snarky as some. While you're reading, every time you expect a sarcastic comment but don't find one, just imagine me sitting in front of the TV salivating and sighing. I've found that excess eye candy really interferes with my capacity for snideness. Second, I've included a few more excerpts from the post-Buffy phone conversation Sep and I always have. Thanks to Sep for having a better memory than I do for quips.
The episode begins, as so many episodes of Buffy do, in a graveyard. Buffy is fighting and tossing quips at an eighties reject vampire. His shirt says The Clash, his jacket says Anarchy, but his hair and leather pants scream Ratt. But it's only a minute into the episode and way too early to start harshing on the Fashion Nazi. Buffy and the Ratt-y vampire continue to fight, and Buffy executes a rather nice somersault over a headstone. Something goes awry, however, and the vampire is able to twist Buffy's arm and plunge the stake she's holding into her stomach. Buffy doubles over, gasping in pain.
Sep: "I hope Buffy can claim workman's comp for that."
Ace: "She must have really good insurance. I can't imagine the Watcher's Council or the PTB unnecessarily sacrificing Slayers to a soulless HMO."
Sep: "Yeah! I wonder what health plan she has. I'd like to sign up. I bet they'd pay for my stupid four-hundred-dollar orthopedic inserts."
Ace: "Uh, I imagine that one would have to be in Buffy's line of work to be eligible for her coverage."
Sep: "Our jobs are not that different! I'm a Slayer too! I, uh, I...slay...the demons of, um...inefficiency! And, er, well, productivity, actually."
Vertical Limit? I predict the fact that all the actors in this film are bundled up like the Michelin Man, with no prospect for nudity, will limit the American public's interest in this movie.
Buffy stares at the stake and then at the vampire, who's still standing right next to her but, in the time-honored tradition of not-too-bright villains, has failed to maximize on his lucky opportunity. Buffy punches him hard in the face and then pulls the stake out, which isn't the usual recommended field triage, but okay, I guess, if you have to run from a stinky undead creature of the night. Buffy hobbles away across the cemetery, but the vamp has gotten ahead of her. Asking her, "You going? You were having so much fun a minute ago," he slams her up against a mausoleum and prepares to stake her again. Enter Riley, stage left. He slams the vamp to the ground and tasers him, but finally lets him escape in favor of checking on the bleeding and wobbly Buffy. The fight scene reveals that Riley wears Levi's, which I must say is a point in his favor. I know Levi's aren't popular with the kids today, but I'm old-fashioned. Riley holds Buffy as she collapses into his arms.