Buffy comes to bathed in bluish light. She looks around, and she's in a cave. Chained up in a cave, actually. A cave whose floor has a spiral pattern. Chained to the earth. Y'all see where this is going? "We are at the beginning," says a shaman. But I hear him say "Kwanza," which everyone here generally celebrates at Christmas. Christmas = presents. Death = your gift. Will this show finally be put out to pasture as a gift to the viewers? I can only dream. The shamans tell her that they've brought her to the source of the Slayer's power. Buffy is already "bursting with power," and isn't interested in any more. And I agree. Especially if it's going to make her even more long-suffering. I really think that this Slayer origins story is about two seasons out of date, though. I mean, who cares about how Slayers came into being at this point? I'd be satisfied if someone could just explain to me why Buffy turned into such a beeyotch. "The first Slayer did not talk so much," notes one of the shamans. But Buffy does. She also shops and sneezes and doesn't sleep on a bed of bones. They begin to pound their staffs and make drum beat noises reminiscent of those at the shadow show. A shaman brings out a black box and lays it down in the middle of the spiral. He takes off the lid as he tells Buffy that her true strength, the energy of the demon's spirit and heart, lies within. Buffy realizes that this is probably exactly how the First Slayer was created.
A black mist rises out of the box. The shaman tells her that it must "become one" with her and will prepare her for her fight with The First. "By making me less human?" Ruh-roh. I see tentacle sex in the future. Buffy screams, which for some reason disrupts the black smoke. It quickly recovers and then attempts to go up her skirt. Ah. The dreaded Martiphor. Could someone please get this woman some rape-crisis counseling? I'm sick and tired of being subjected to week after week of her working out her screwed-up sexual assault issues. What kind of freak is she that she would think it's an okay message to send that Buffy is attracted to the man who tried to rape her? Why does the Slayer's power, arguably the greatest physical power that a female in the Buffyverse can aspire to, have to be rooted in the act of rape? Why? Why must this woman bring the label of rape to everything? If, say, Wood steals a kiss from Buffy, does that mean we're going to be subjected to Marti working out her "mouth rape" issues? Buffy struggles and grunts. "Make this stop," she grits out through clenched teeth. "This is what you came for," says a shaman. Well, now. If that isn't the mystical vision quest way of saying, "You must have wanted it or you wouldn't have come back to my place." Hmm. Is that phrasing right? Is that what a rapist says? I'll have to ask Britboy. He would know, because he's a man, and if there's one thing that Buffy has taught me this season, it's that all men are rapists.