Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Gone

Episode Report Card
Sep: D+ | 3 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
The Unbearable Lightness of Buffy

Morning at the Summers home. Bewigged Buffy calls Dawn down for breakfast, then bitches to Willow that Dawn will be "late for school, again." She watches Willow cooking for a moment, and asks how she's doing. Willow says she's okay, but that she isn't quite ready to leave the house. Instead, she's going to continue searching for information about the stolen diamond. Dawn enters the kitchen in high teenage dudgeon and refuses breakfast. When Buffy tells her she needs to eat, Dawn replies with a very cold "Thanks for your concern." After she stomps out, Willow wonders why Dawn is taking "it" out on Buffy. "It" being her one night of slight danger with Willow and a broken arm, which doesn't really seem like all that much compared to being kidnapped and almost sacrificed by a hell god, or going out on a date with a guy who turns out to be a murdering fiend. Buffy's explanation is that Dawn is angry because Buffy "let it happen," but that just doesn't ring true to me. As I've just noted, plenty of other things have happened to Dawn, and she's not blamed Buffy for any of them. I'd venture that Dawn is upset because Buffy is distant, cold, and distracted and doesn't seem to care very much about her sister anymore, but not because she didn't somehow magically protect Dawn from Willow's jerkitude. Oh, and she's a teenager. They just get upset a lot, you know? Sometimes for no reason at all. Buffy blandly tells Willow that she (Will) was "drowning" and Buffy got too "wrapped up in her dumb life to even notice" anyone else's problems. Hmmm -- that admission would carry much more dramatic weight if SMG had shown any sort of emotion in her face and voice while making it. Instead, she delivered the lines as if she couldn't find skim milk at the grocery store.

Whatever other sorts of personal revelations Buffy might have had in store are forever unheard, however, because she's interrupted by the arrival of a blanket-clad Spike. "What are you doing? And here?" demands Buffy, and Spike nonchalantly claims that he just strolled by looking for his lighter. Buffy snips that she "hasn't seen it" and turns away to the sink. The tension in the room is a bit much for Willow, who quickly departs for her room. After she's gone, Buffy tells Spike his excuse for coming by is "lame," and then bristles when he calls her "luv." "So um, what should I call you then? Pet? Sweetheart? My little Goldilocks?" Ha! Talk about lame! What a craptacular line. Spike, who has come up with some great nicknames for the women he cares about, can only come up with "sweetheart" and "Goldilocks" for Buffy? How incredibly pedestrian of him. He fondles her hair and muses about how much he loves it. Uh huh. Like we've ever heard tell of that before. This is sub-soap-opera-grade writing. "I luv your bouncy hair, Goldilocks." Feh. Buffy reacts to the hair fondling with anger, but Spike pulls her close. Obviously overcome with lust, Buffy breathes, "Stop it." I'm so tired of her and her pathetic protests. Her "no, no, no, yes, yes, YES! No, no, no" routine is starting to make me hate her. Shit or get off the pot, weak-willed Goldilocks! Which reminds me of an idea I had for a Japanese game show after I spent the better part of an afternoon watching a tape of Japanese television programming at a friend's house. My show would be called Shit or Go Blind, and the contestants have to take a dump on command or have their eyes stabbed out with red-hot pokers. I think it'd be a big hit. Unless there's already a show like that. Wouldn't surprise me in the least. Japanese television is just odd.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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