Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Helpless

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B- | 7 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
Look at me. I'm as helpless as a kitten up a tree.

Okay, I'm back in New York for a week, so I figured I'd jump back to Season Three. It makes sense to me. Shut up.

Mansion. The camera slowly pans left to reveal some fruit, water, and bread on a tray on the floor. In front of it, Buffy is knocked hard to the ground by another fruit, namely Angel. She flips him over, and they both get to their feet. He comes at her, but she dodges his attack. She misses him with a spinning crescent kick, but uses the momentum to go into a very cool foot sweep, which drops him. She grabs a loaf of French bread off the tray, rolls over, and mock-stakes him. Angel smiles, "Right in the heart." Buffy: "Satisfied?" Angel's face falls. "I'm not sure that's the word." Blech. First of all, the bread brings to mind unpleasant thoughts of clich├ęd romantic movies in which a protagonist always has a baguette or something similar sticking out of a grocery bag. And, worse, did they need to be so anvilicious with the phallic symbol? We know they want to have sex but can't. It was the lesson of the biggest story arc of the show. We. Get. It. Leave us alone. Buffy awkwardly babbles that they're "not having satisfaction in the personal sense," and although I'll bitch about it later, I can right now appreciate that we won't be seeing Angel after this scene. Buffy says that Giles is waiting for her. Angel continues with the awkwardness, asking if he's going to see her the coming weekend. He figures she has plans, since it's her birthday. She says that she does indeed have plans, and he awkwards, "A date?" Buffy says yes, and that it's with an "older man. Very handsome. Likes it when I call him 'Daddy.'" Angel happily notes that she's referring to her father, but his face falls again. "It is your father, right?" His delivery gets a grudging "heh." Buffy says yes, that they're going to the ice show, and that she could use some fun. Well, let's serve you up a heapin' helpin' of fun, then!

Buffy, in the library, stares at a good-sized crystal hanging from a chain. She correctly identifies it as an amethyst, but when Giles asks for its uses, comes up with: "Breath mints?" He corrects her. One of the uses is the cleansing of auras, which prompts Buffy to ask how one knows if one's aura is dirty. Giles sniffs that studying "vibratory stones" is part of her training, and asks her to get her head in the game. Not touching "vibratory stones." Although if Faith knew they were part of the training, maybe she would have shown up. Okay, I touched them. Buffy apologizes, explaining that since Faith is on one of her "unannounced walkabouts" (which sounds like a really good spin-off), she feels like she should be patrolling. Giles lectures her some more, telling her to concentrate. He seems to be finding her excessively tiresome. Could that be some sort of defense mechanism? He asks why she's so anxious, and she says she just has some "energy to burn."

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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