Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Him

Episode Report Card
Ace: C | 1 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Him? Huh.

Over at the research station, Xander, Willow, and Anya roll their eyes. Willow mentions that people "forget how dangerous" love spells can be, which causes Xander to flash back to "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered." We see the female residents of Sunnydale (including Joyce) trapping Xander and Cordy in a basement. Arms flail and girls scream and then we're back to the present day, where Xander looks dreamy and muses, "Good times." Anya gives Xander a look that would probably kill if she were still in the vengeance business. Willow comes up with some info on the laptop, and Buffy prances back in, complaining that Dawn locked herself in her room. Xander checks out the web page and says that RJ's brother attended Sunnydale High a few years ahead of the gang. He was also an athlete and used to torture Xander by sticking gum in his hair. Xander volunteers to talk to RJ's brother.

Xander and Spike approach a house, and Xander lectures Spike about not letting RJ's brother work his charming mojo on him. Spike doesn't say much, and then they ring the bell. Xander and Spike make surprised faces, and we see that RJ's brother is now a slovenly, scruffy guy in a pizza delivery jacket. Spike cocks a quizzical eyebrow. I like quiet Spike. He's no bother at all.

Sep: Silent, helpful, non scene-hogging Spike -- I like it!
Ace: Yeah, me too. But I bet some of the fans who only watch for him are gonna be pissed. Proves you shouldn't put all your fan eggs in one character basket or somethin'.
Sep: I know! I mean, you're watching a show called Buffy the Vampire Slayer -- the focus is going to be on Buffy.
Ace: Heh. And anyone actually sleeping with her, historically.
Sep: Damn. In that case, I sure hope Buffy stops sleeping with Dawn.

A little later, Xander and RJ's brother sit chatting about construction. There's a few brewskis on the coffee table between them. Damn, I wish they'd give this RJ's brother guy a name. RJ's brother asks about RJ, and if he's doing well at Sunnydale High. Xander allows that he is, then gently brings up the fact that RJ might be dating a female friend of his. Spike drifts silently around the room. RJ's brother says that RJ is a great guy, although he used to worry about him when he was younger because he was such a big nerd. Behind RJ's brother's head, Spike checks out some knick-knacks. He peers at a bunch of angel figurines and then turns one around so that it's no longer looking at him. RJ's brother continues that he even found (gasp) poetry in RJ's room once, but then RJ "blossomed." Just as Xander is asking what caused RJ to blossom, Spike breaks in, "You're wearing your brother's jacket." He indicates some pictures on the mantel of both brothers in the same letterman's jacket. RJ's brother explains, "Oh, no, dude. He's wearing mine. That jacket was with me all the way through high school." He gave the jacket to RJ after he graduated, but before he started working at the Pizza Barn. Spike shoots Xander a significant look. "I'm in the management program," RJ's brother concludes rather sweetly. Oh, RJ's brother's name is Lance, so let's use that from now on. Xander inquires where Lance got the jacket, and Lance explains that it was passed on from his father, who always made a big deal about it. Apparently he met RJ and Lance's (hot when young) mom while wearing it. Xander leaps up and, nodding to Spike, says it's getting late. Lance seems happy for the company, though, and tells the guys they don't have to leave. In fact, they could hang out in his "rumpus room" in the basement and partake of the mini-fridge and air hockey. Just then, a woman shouts down from upstairs that if Lance has guests, he could serve them the "little boxes of raisins," which gets Lance all excited, but Xander is insistent that he and Spike have to leave. They hurry out.

Anya and Willow are still at Buffy's, researching. The doorbell rings, and Willow goes to get it. She suggests that it might be Xander but we all know he wouldn't ring the bell; he'd just walk in, since the door's never locked. When Willow opens the door, we see RJ standing on the other side. RJ asks for Buffy, but Willow claims she's not there and tries to shoo RJ away. Anya comes up behind Willow and says in a hushed tone, "No Buffy for you! Leave quickly now." So RJ does. Man, is he dull. Anya whispers that it's good that Dawn and Buffy didn't know RJ was there, and then the theme from A Summer Place starts up again. Anya and Willow get dippy looks on their faces as they watch RJ sashay down the front walk. Quick cut to a few seconds later. Willow protests that Anya doesn't even know RJ, but Anya claims to have "looked into him" and seen his soul. "He was walking away, so unless his soul was in his ass…" snips Willow. They argue a bit more, and then Buffy and Dawn come downstairs, upset that they have two new rivals for the hand of RJ. Buffy points out to Willow that she's a "gay woman," but Willow claims her love isn't about RJ's "physical presence." "His physical presence has a penis," points out Anya, but Willow is game to "work around it." Dawn whines, and then Buffy wants everyone to calm down. She decides that Willow and Anya must have been affected by the love spell that Dawn is under. Willow proposes that they prove who loves RJ the most. Willow's willing to look beyond RJ's "orientation," and Anya brags that she'd kill for him. "You'd kill for a chocolate bar," snaps Willow. With wide-eyed excitement, Buffy decides that, since "Slayer means kill," she'll take out Principal Wood. Dawn slumps in the background while Willow decides smugly to prove her love "with magic." Anya's skeptical, and sarcastically suggests that Willow use magic to make RJ a girl. Off Willow's delighted expression, Anya realizes she's given Willow a great idea. Buffy, Anya, and Willow race off to prove their love, leaving a depressed Dawn paralyzed with sadness. Buffy takes an extra moment to point out that Dawn will never get RJ.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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