Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Homecoming

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: A | 8 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
BitchFest '98

City Hall. We see a man that I can only describe as "twitchy." In fact, that's a good name for him. A female voice tells him that the Mayor will see him now, and with all the foreshadowing, I'm expecting someone who makes Caligula look civilized. Or I was when I first saw this episode. I can't pretend I don't know the Mayor. Twitchy enters the office, holding a folder. He apologizes for bothering the Mayor, and in the foreground we see a pair of hands each drying the other off. Keeping us in suspense as to what he looks like, he replies, "I'm not bothered, Alan." His voice hits "pleasant, but by no means friendly" on the nose. The Mayor sits at his desk, and Twitchy explains that he's not sure if it's a serious matter, but that two men were spotted in town a few days ago. He opens the photo to reveal mug shots of Hans and Franz, and puts the folder down on the desk for the Mayor to inspect. As he does, the camera pans up to show the Mayor's face. It's Harry Groener! He looks so much older than he did in that Star Trek: The Next Generation episode he was in. "Tin Man," I believe it was called. Twitchy explains that Hans and Franz, who are brothers (in real life as well), are wanted in Germany for several high crimes, including capital murder and terrorism. We also learn that their first names are Frederick and Hans. Oh, great -- way to go and completely ruin a joke for me. I could keep on calling them Hans and Franz now, but I'm a perfectionist. Actually, I'm totally not, but I still think the joke's ruined. Perhaps I can work with my other idea and call them "Team Sprockets." Yeah, I think I could get behind that. Good -- I feel so much better, and I know you do, too.

As Twitchy is talking, the Mayor looks intently at the paper, and even sniffs it. I did that in junior high, but I doubt that it's a rexograph. Twitchy, disconcerted by the Mayor's odd behavior, trails off and seems almost ready to hyperventilate. The Mayor sharply asks him to show him his hands. Twitchy lays them on the desk as if they were covered in barbeque sauce and the desk were a lion's open mouth. The Mayor thinks Twitchy's hands could be cleaner. Twitchy says that he does wash them, but the Mayor admonishes him, "After every meal and under your fingernails. Dirt gets trapped there, and germs. And mayonnaise." I can't even express how much I love him already. First of all, one of my best friends gets mustard under his fingernails all the time. Different condiment, same idea. And the Mayor is terrifying. He hasn't even done anything, and my skin is crawling just contemplating the things he's capable of. He continues, "My dear mother said cleanliness is next to godliness, and I believed her. She never caught a cold." He gives a chuckle that makes it sound like he's thinking about Chianti, fava beans, and Twitchy's liver. Oh, and knowing now what he meant by "godliness" makes that statement even creepier. Again, nice with the foreshadowing. As an afterthought, he tells Twitchy to have Team Sprockets watched, and to let him know if any more "colorful characters" are in town. Twitchy says he'll get on it, and the Mayor replies, "You have all my faith. And if you screw up, I'll watch the snuff film of your death and cackle maniacally." Okay, he didn't say that last part, but he might as well have. Twitchy leaves.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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