Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Homecoming

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: A | 8 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
BitchFest '98

School. The kids take their yearbook photos. Willow smiles, but when nothing happens, she lets her face fall. Then the camera clicks. Hee! Cut to Willow asking Xander to help her pick out an outfit for the dance. They see Cordy. Xander asks what she's doing, and she says she's checking out her competition for Homecoming Queen. There's Holly: "Nice girl, brain-dead. Doesn't have a prayer." The Bitch-O-Meter is at five. And Michelle: "Open to all mankind, especially those with a letterman's jacket and a car." She turns worriedly to Xander: "She could give me a run." Took the joke right out of my recap. Willow wants to know where Buffy is, and Xander says she and Faith are training in the library. They realize Buffy wasn't there the day the picture-taking was announced, and Cordy volunteers to tell her about it.

Faith holds focus pads as Buffy punches away, hard. Faith is impressed: "Guys should break up with you more often." Must. Resist. Sexual. Subtext. Faith clarifies that Buffy's anger is giving her an edge. She tells Buffy to forget Scott, and that they should go together. I can no longer fight the slash. I must, as Omar G would say, embrace the HoYay. Faith says they should "find a couple of studs, use them, and discard them." Buffy's up for it. Meanwhile, Cordy starts to enter the library to tell Buffy about the photos, but instead accosts two guys to try to get their votes.

Outdoor staircase. A teacher descends, and Buffy intercepts her and starts babbling about getting kicked out and needing a teacher's recommendation to get back in. The teacher has no idea who she is, and wonders if she was "absent a lot," despite Buffy saying that the class, "Contemporary American Heroes From Amelia Earhart To Maya Angelou," changed her life. Okay, huh? "Changed her life"? Whatever. And the class sounds like more of a college offering to me, but I went to a public high school. Which Sunnydale High is, of course. Sars, do they have classes like that in high school? ["At my high school, they called that 'English.'" -- Sars] And since there's no explanation of what Buffy actually did about the recommendation, I can only conclude that Snyder was totally bluffing. But would he do that just to make Buffy's life miserable? Right, never mind.

Buffy's sitting at a table in the cafeteria with Oz, Willow, and Xander. Cordy appears in the foreground to solicit a passerby's vote. Buffy whinges that she doesn't exist at school, and offhandedly mentions that the yearbook at Hemery was "the story of [her]," which is the gang's cue to tell her that she missed the photos. Buffy, upon learning that Cordy was supposed to tell her about them, marches over to her and demands an explanation. Cordy says she forgot, and wants to know the big deal. Buffy thinks Cordy could have given her a moment's thought. Cordy says she's under a lot of pressure, and Buffy's unsympathetic. The Bitch-O-Meter is all warmed up, people. Cordy: "What would you know about it? Just because you were Guacamole Queen when you were three doesn't mean you understand how this works!" We've hit eight, ladies and gentlemen. We're in Prue Halliwell territory. And the rest of the exchange is so bitchy it deserved to be quoted in its entirety:

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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