Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: A | 8 USERS: A-
BitchFest '98

Scott and his date are dancing when Faith interrupts them. She says, in a voice much higher than usual, "Scott? There you are, honey! Good news -- the doctor says the itching and the swelling and the burning should clear up, but we gotta keep using the ointment." She turns to his date and says, "Hi!" with a bright smile. Then she walks away. Have I ever mentioned how much I love her? And if my beloved Bitch-O-Meter were still with us, Faith's performance probably would have rated a seven -- maybe Alexis Carrington Colby in a good mood. Scott's date gives him a look like, "You got some 'splainin' to do." Pan over to Willow and Xander, looking forlorn. Giles tells them that he's going to retreat to the library until the coronation, but that they did a "fine thing" bringing Buffy and Cordy together. Man, Giles is fidgety in this scene. Why is everyone being such a spaz?

Buffy and Cordy hole up in a shack. That's a shout-out to Shack, even though he called me pathetic. Buffy, gun in hand, shutters some of the windows. Cordy's panicking about all the things she'll never get to do, including finding out "if it's real between [her] and Xander or if it's some temporary insanity that made [her] think [she] loved him." Aw. And I'd go with the insanity choice. Cordy's really falling to pieces, but Buffy tells her that they're going to escape to the library, get weapons, and kill their hunters in time for Cordy to "congratulate [Buffy] on [her] sweeping victory as Homecoming Queen." Cordy: "I know what you're up to. You think if you get me mad enough I won't be so scared. And hey -- it's working. Where's a damn weapon?" Hee. Buffy asks if Cordy really loves Xander, and she says he grows on you, "like a Chia Pet." That is such an appropriate characterization. Cordy finds a spatula, which seems like a strange thing to have in a shack with no kitchen, and a telephone, but ditzes that the spatula makes a better weapon. It does have a wooden handle, at least. That'll be important later. Buffy gives her a "get a clue, you dolt" look.

Mr. Pitt zeroes in on their position on his computer, and detects a telephone. Buffy's leaving Giles a message when the phone is cut off. Team Sprockets closes in on them. Cut to Giles picking up Buffy's message. Back to the shack, where Cordy is bitching about not wanting to be in Buffy's life. They snit at each other until Cordy asks why Buffy cares about being Homecoming Queen when she's the Slayer. SMG acted this scene well, and I really do sympathize with Buffy. However, we've heard this song before, so I'm going to sum up Buffy's response thusly: Blah blah blah I-want-a-normal-life-cakes. She ends the speech by saying, "Besides, I look cute in a tiara." So do I, but you don't see me running for Homecoming Queen. They hear a noise, and then Spiny Demon breaks through one of the shuttered windows and tackles Buffy. She drops the gun. Buffy grabs a pair of antlers off the wall and starts sparring with the demon as Cordy hilariously whacks away with the spatula. Buffy tells Cordy to get the gun. She does, but her aim is atrocious, and she can't handle the kick from it either. Buffy: "Cordelia, the spatula." Ha!

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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