Buffy the Vampire Slayer
I Robot, You Jane

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: C | 7 USERS: C-
YOU GRADE IT
So what's this "internet" of which you speak?

We open with a shot of a silhouetted castle. The caption reads, "Cortona, Italy. 1418." Inside, a young man with dead-badger hair walks forward. A voice says in Italian, "Carlo, my dear one." Carlo kneels, and a scaly green hand grips his head. The camera pans up to reveal a scaly green demon with red eyes and large curly horns. The demon continues that he can give Carlo everything, and that all he wants is his love. He takes way too long to say the word "love." Er, what kind of love are we talking about here? Because I might not be able to watch this. Carlo says that he has his love, and the demon casually breaks his neck. See, if Carlo had just said he didn't love him, he would have been spared. Or maybe he would have snapped his neck in the other direction. I guess we'll never know.

Cut to some monks. The lead monk announces that Moloch the Corruptor walks again, and that people are falling under his mesmerizing power. Well, it must be that catchy sales pitch. "Free broken neck with purchase!" Now, if you could buy a broken neck for someone else, I could understand the appeal. Lead Monk says that there's still time to bind him, and that they must form the circle. I giggle as I picture them playing Ring Around The Rosy in Italian, but no such luck. Lead Monk opens a large book, and starts chanting. "By the power of the Circle of Kayless..." Dude, don't rip off your names from Klingon history. I know the Klingon spelling is "H" instead of "Y," but still. I think Keckler's probably laughing at me. We cut to Moloch, smiling after his kill. But his face falls, and it's clear that he's aware that something's up. Lead Monk continues, "By the power of the Circle of Kayless, I command you, demon, come!" I don't have to say it, do I? You really want me to say it? Okay. EW! The monk repeats his command, and Moloch, yelling, eventually dissolves into a very cheesy collection of CGI dots. It's kind of funny when they don't even try with the special effects. The dots rain down into the book, and the pages, which were blank, fill up with strange symbols. Lead Monk closes the book, which we now see has a likeness of Moloch on the cover. Lead Monk: "Pray this accursed book shall never again be read, lest the demon Moloch be loosed upon the world." Uh, I know you're deeply religious and all, but couldn't you, like, take some steps other than prayer toward that end? I wonder if these monks belong to the same order that made the Key a bleedable object. Because that would make sense. The kind of sense that's not. Lead Monk puts the book in a box.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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