Willow logs in, and sees she has mail. You're probably expecting me to make a "you've got mail" joke. Well, think again. I see nothing funny about that movie. I'd rather watch an episode of 7th Heaven than see that movie. I'd rather watch a Road Rules marathon that go see that movie. I'd even rather watch the Survivor reunion special than go see that movie. Sorry, choked on some bile there. Back to the recap. The message is from Malcolm, of course. It simply reads, "I'm thinking of you." Willow wonders what to write back. Buffy tries to tell her that maybe she's rushing into this, but Willow doesn't hear her. Buffy finally gets her attention, and points out that Willow doesn't know anything about this guy. Willow says she knew Buffy would react this way, but Buffy says she only wants Willow to be careful. We focus on the mini-cam on Willow's desk (yeah, right). From inside it, we focus on Buffy as she says, "He could be different than you think." I've never actually dated anyone I met online, but I've heard some really twisted stories from close friends. Elsewhere, a computer monitor comes to life, and we see students' pictures scrolling down the screen. It stops on Buffy's picture. There's a big gaffe between the stats it shows for Buffy when it's scrolling down, and those it shows when her profile is displayed on the full screen. The whole exercise is gratuitous, but funny as well, mostly because of Buffy's hair. It's kind of...big. For the trivia-minded among you, Buffy's birth date is October 24, 1980. In no way does that fit with the timeline of her future birthdays. In "Nightmares," the year of birth on her headstone was 1981, and the timing of "Surprise" would back that up. Her GPA is listed as 2.8, and her number of absences is listed as one. Again: Yeah, right. And this is the saddest excuse for a database I've ever seen. Where's her address? Parents' names? Anything of relevance at all? Buffy's picture pops up on Fritz's screen, with the message: "Watch her." Watch the hot girl with the big rack? Whatever you say, dude!
Willow goes on that Malcolm's last name is Black, and he lives about eighty miles away. Buffy again brings up looks, but Willow wants to know why everything has to be about that. Yeah, we'll see what you say when Drew Carey shows up at your door, Deep Girl. Buffy, rightly in my opinion, says that it's at least partly about looks. "What if you guys get really really intense, and then you find out that he has...a hairy back?" Heh. That seemed so important at sixteen. In your early thirties, you learn to live with these things. Sigh. Willow: "He doesn't talk like someone who would have a hairy back." Hee. Willow goes on that that doesn't matter if they care about each other, and says that maybe she's not his ideal type either. This little pity party causes Buffy to relent, and she says she's just trying to make sure he's good enough for Willow. Miss Calendar walks over to Fritz and says that he and Dave have been on the computers a lot lately. Fritz says it's a new project. Miss Calendar asks if she'll be excited. Fritz smirks, "You'll die." You're no Master, so just cram it, Virgin Boy.