Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Inca Mummy Girl

Episode Report Card
Sars: C | 10 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Pointless shrivel

In the car, Buffy grouses that she should have figured it out sooner. Together she and Giles deduce that, to re-trap the mummy, they need to reassemble the seal. Giles will drop Buffy at the Bronze and head to the museum to try to piece together the fragments.

After a bit of bad dialogue that includes the line "mummy dearest," we return to the dance. Xander asks Willow if she's seen Ampata, then bitches at her when she merely shrugs. Shut up, Xander. He barrels off. Sven and Geisha pass in front of Willow just then, and Sven is bitching about the host he got stuck with. "'Momento.' 'Punchy fruity drinky.' Is Cordelia even from this country?" Hee.

In the Bronze's backstage area, Ampata sultrily removes Jonathan's straw hat. As she runs her George Burns hands over his face, Jonathan stammers that they feel "kinda...rough," and isn't she there with Xander? She grabs his neck and starts to force him towards her for a kiss, but just then, Xander calls out, "Ampata!" and Jonathan bolts. Enter Xander, asking why she ran away. She gives him the puppy eyes and says she doesn't deserve him. Xander is as flabbergasted by that as I: "You think that you don't deserve me?" He laughs. "Man, I love you!" The word "love" turns on the waterworks, and Xander draws closer and asks, "Are those tears of joy? Pain? Revulsion?" "I am very happy," she says, not meeting his eye, "and very sad." Cut to a silhouetted shot of the two of them, Ampata hiding her hands behind her back. Xander urges her to tell him what's wrong. She can't, she says, and buries her face in his neck as The Stereotypical Pan Flute Of Ancient Latin Cultures tootles woefully. He tries to joke that it's because it's a secret, and if she told him, then she'd have to kill him, but Ampata doesn't get the reference and cries even harder. Xander apologizes for the "bad joke -- and the delivery was off too, I'm sorry." Apology not really accepted, episode writer Matt Kiene, but thanks anyway. Pan flute. Hair-stroking. Pan flute. Gazing. Pan flute. Zoom in tight enough to count individual lip cells, and finally, kissing. And I mean to tell you...kissing. I thought I'd flipped over to Cinemax for a second there. It's pretty hot stuff, actually. Go, Nicholas Brendon. But steamy soon turns to icky as Ronald Reagan's hand grips the back of Xander's head and the Foley guys cue up the mummy-suck effect on the soundtrack. Xander's eyes flip open in horror and stare us into the break.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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