Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Inca Mummy Girl

Episode Report Card
Sars: C | 10 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Pointless shrivel

We pick up where we left off, mid-kiss, but Ampata pushes Xander away before he shrivels, and she gasps, "No -- I can't." Xander lies on the floor, panting, and she cradles him in her beef-jerky arms and tells him she's "so sorry."

At the museum, Giles pieces together the Anthropologie plate, getting all academically pleased with himself as he sorts out the various parts. As he fits a key shard into place...

...Ampata drops Xander's head with a thunk and breathes, "The seal!" Off she goes.

Willow is...Willow is...well, I just don't know what Willow's doing, but it looks like she's built a replica of a Mayan temple using cheese. Buffy barges up and asks where Xander is, and when Willow tells him he's looking for Ampata, Buffy blurts, "Ampata's the mummy." Willow is surprised, satisfied, and worried in that order: "Oh. Good! ...Xander!" Willow thinks they headed backstage, so the girls dash off, leaving an about-to-introduce-himself Oz sputtering in their wake. He half-laughs again: "Who is that girl?"

The distaff Scoobs find Xander backstage, sitting up now but still winded. He's okay, if a bit flummoxed by the kiss, but reports that Ampata said "something about the seal" before taking off. Buffy realizes that Giles is in trouble, so she and Willow hoist Xander up and head for the door. Xander asks what's going on; Buffy says they'll fill him in on the way.

As Giles fannies about with a pot of glue, Ampata prowls menacingly around a corner. He's saying to himself, "Just one more piece," when the overcooked-pot-roast arms grab him. Ampata snatches the plate away, smashes it to the ground, and begins to throttle him when Buffy interrupts, "I'll say one thing for you Incan mummies. You don't kiss and tell." YEAH! Wait. What? Shut up, Buffy. Ampata considerately stops choking Giles for a sec so that Buffy can Slayer-jump up onto the faux bier, then says to her accusingly, "Looks like you've been keeping secrets from me." She dumps Giles over her shoulder and into the Styro-tomb. "You're not a normal girl." "And you are?" Buffy snots. Twirling kicks. Side-kicks. Ampata whaps Buffy into the side of the Styro-tomb and starts to vacu-mummy her, and Buffy head-butts her away, but just a few missed kicks later, Buffy has joined Giles in the Styro-tomb, and Ampata slams the lid down on them both. Willow's running to the rescue when Ampata grabs her by the throat. "This won't hurt," Ampata grits. Willow's choking noises would seem to give the lie to that, but no matter -- enter Xander to say in his manliest tone, "Let her go!" He adds that, if she kisses anyone, it should be him. ["Considering how long it was before Willow and Tara were allowed to kiss, this isn't much of a surprise in retrospect." -- CB] Ampata freezes, then tells him they "can be together. Just...just let me have this one." Xander tells her that "that's never gonna happen." Ampata squawks that she has to do it right then, or it's the end, "for [her] and for [them]," and we get a weird shot where her arms look fine, followed by a cut where they look like Clara Peller again, and she leans into Willow for the mummy smooch, but Xander lets rip with an action-movie "NO!" and yanks Willow away from Ampata: "You want life...you're gonna have to take mine." Wow, that's...not good dialogue at all, is it? Ampata, whose neck is starting to go all Hume Cronyn, stares pleadingly at Xander, who sneers that she can't do it, can she? "Yes. I can." She grabs him and tries to force his head towards hers; Xander resists as, in the background, Buffy boots open the lid of the Styro-tomb. Ampata's face goes completely LaToya Jackson. Buffy rushes up behind Ampata and wrenches her away from Xander -- well, her torso, anyway. Xander is left holding her arms. He shudders and drops the limbs and runs out of frame. Heh. Buffy in turn drops the mummy with an "uch!" and Ampata shatters on the floor.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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