Ace: Snerk. So anyway. Ash asked me if I wanted to get one of the other varieties, but I just felt that if I couldn't have the Booty that I wanted, it was better to have no Booty at all.
Sep: Dude. That's deep. And also would have saved me much pain and humiliation in my early twenties.
Willow exits a class, nagging some random guy about not messing up the notes she's lending him. She walks down an alley, and a Michael Bolton-esque minion follows her.
Spike is asleep in his crypt. The 'bot is bouncing about, getting dressed. "Time to slay!" she perks with determination. Spike mumbles in his sleep. The 'bot exits the crypt.
In the desert, Giles sips some tea and studies the sky. Buffy sits on her rock. The wind blows.
Speaking of blowing, we next see the Buffybot patrolling in a graveyard. She spots Xander and Anya and cheerily greets them. Through her eyes, we see descriptions of Xander (friend, carpenter, dates Anya) and Anya (dates Xander, likes money, ex-demon.) The 'bot's read-out also features three major folders, entitled "slaying," "locate Spike," and "make Spike happy." Xander and Anya comment on Buffy being back early and inquire after her "vision quest." "I don't understand that question, but thank you for asking. You are my friend -- and a carpenter," burps the 'bot. Xander asks if "Buffy" is okay, but I'm thinking he should have been tipped off to "robot" right there. Spike gallops up. "It's Spike! And he's wearing the coat," drools the 'bot. She attempts to take Spike's hand, but he jerks away and babbles about patrolling and Buffy being back early. How did he even know she was going anywhere? I can't think of a single explanation. The 'bot again tries to take his arm, and Spike tries to pass it off as if she had dealt a painful blow. Xander and Anya stand and look stump-stupid. They might as well be wearing dunce caps. Spike dissembles that the cemetery is "crawling with vamps," but his lie proves true as three vampires attack the group. Xander suddenly has the power of hand-to-hand combat; I guess he gets a plus-four to hit against undead in Buffy's absence or something, and fights quite well. Anya circles him and eventually dusts the vamp he was fighting. Meanwhile, the 'bot is fighting and chirping that Spike should be careful. A few bumpy minions watch from the bushes. After the fight, "Buffy" tells Anya and Xander, "Spike and I will do it alone. You guys head home." Somehow, by "it," I don't think she means patrolling. Sigh. Xander and Anya wander off. The next little scene takes the yuck to an all new level by demonstrating that the poor 'bot is programmed to be unsatisfied and hungry for Spiking after slaying.
Xander and Anya head out of the cemetery as Anya bitches about breathing in vampire dust. They discuss "Buffy" returning early from the desert, and Xander is disturbed that "Buffy" didn't inquire after Dawn. Moaning draws their attention back into the graveyard, and they see...they see...they see the 'bot straddling Spike, moaning and grinding her pelvis into his. "Spike, you're the Big Bad! You're the Big Bad!" mewls the 'bot. Xander and Anya look as horrified as I feel.