Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Sep: C | 6 USERS: B+
Domo arigato, Buffy Roboto

At Xander's, Tara and Willow are watching a special about the Salem witch trials. Xander and Anya burst in. Xander first confirms that Dawn is asleep in the bedroom and then dramatically states, "Buffy has gone insane!" The witchlets are very concerned, but then Tara tries to be the voice of reason, saying that people do "strange things" after someone close to them dies. "Buffy's boinking Spike," explains Anya. Willow then tries to stutter that they shouldn't judge Buffy, but Tara replies, "What, are you kidding? She's nuts!" Anya wants to slap Buffy, like in the movies, and Xander decides to find Buffy and talk to her.

The real Buffy is asleep on her rock in the desert. The night is lit by a crackling fire. Buffy wakes and spots a figure beyond the flames.

Spike's crypt. Spike leans up against the wall, a smoke jammed in his mouth, looking a lot like Henry Rollins, which gives me a major wig. Oh, boy. I get an even bigger wig when there's a noise at Spike's door and the Buffybot suddenly stands from where she was obviously kneeling in front of Spike. Sigh. They both look worried, and Spike hurriedly buckles his pants and instructs the 'bot to beat it (uh, not like that). He tells her to hide in his sewer entrance. She minces off, and Xander enters. He tells Spike he saw him with Buffy; Spike, hair wildly rumpled, attempts to brush Xander off. Xander tells Spike he's taking advantage of Buffy, and Spike replies that he's not going to deny the Buffster some "comfort." "I'm not a monster," he asserts, to which Xander replies, "Yes, you are a monster. Vampires are monsters. They make monster movies about them." Spike doesn't care much, so Xander grabs him by the shirt and trots out the old "we'll dust you if you don't yadda yadda yadda." Their argument goes no further, however, because the crypt door opens again and Not-Dreg ushers in a crew of minions. "Friends of yours?" Spike asks Xander, but his answer is Not-Dreg punching Xander in the stomach. Spike fights the minions. The stunt kicks are actually rather nice. The minions knock Xander down a few more times and drag Spike off to Glory, thinking that he's the Key.

Back at the Sacred Space of Slayerly Navel-Gazing, we're in full vision-quest mode. The form of the First Slayer from "Restless" appears behind the fire and tells Buffy that she's her spirit guide. This reminds me how much more I enjoy vision-quest storylines when they involve chili-eating contests and Homer Simpson. Buffy asks if she is losing the ability to love, but the spirit guide tells her that she's all about love, which is pain, and that's what Slayers forge strength from; Buffy should lose herself in love and then she'll get lots of prezzies. Or something. Look, I'm paraphrasing, and when you think about it, it's pretty crappy advice anyway, so let's move on.

Buffybot emerges from the tunnel below the crypt and looks around for Spike. As she leaves the crypt, we see Xander-legs lying unconscious behind a bier.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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