Rapid knocking on the door. Willow answers, assuming it's Xander, but it's the Buffybot, who tells her that Spike is missing. Willow hurries her inside and ushers her out on the balcony where they can talk without waking anyone up. Willow worriedly asks "Buffy" about Xander while we get another Buffybot POV which gives us all the pertinent info about Willow, including "Best friend" and "Gay (1999-Present)." Heh. We also are treated to a view of the "Make Spike Happy" folder, which consists of two kissing and five position routines. Oh, please. You're going to go to all this trouble to build such a lifelike sex toy and then only teach it two ways to kiss and five positions? It's due to that kind of shoddy craftsmanship that the Japanese sexbots are dominating the market. "Buy American," indeed. By the way, "Japanese Sexbots" is so the title of my next album. And the domain name is still free. ["Really?! Because I have a great idea for -- uh, never mind." -- Ace] Buffybot tells Willow that she hasn't seen Xander and quickly turns the conversation back to the search for Spike. This prompts Willow to ask if it's true that "Buffy" slept with Spike, but the 'bot earnestly replies, "No." Willow looks relieved until "Buffy" cheerily admits, "I had sex with Spike!" Willow looks stricken. "I'm sorry if that bothers you," continues "Buffy." "You're my best friend." Willow assures her that she is, and then tries to rationalize "Buffy's" behavior by saying that everyone was treating her so gingerly because of Joyce's death that Spike probably made her feel strong, and she "just this one time did something crazy." "Buffy" tells her that it was, in fact, "lots of times. And lots of different ways." Willow, repulsed, tries to talk to "Buffy" about why it's so wrong, and reminds her that, even though she was with Angel, it was different because he had a soul. "Angel is lame," chirps Buffybot. "His hair goes straight up and he's bloody stupid." Snerk. Willow tries again, but doesn't get much further before they're interrupted by Xander, who has come home and is busily rousing the gang to tell them the news.
Xander fills the gang in about the "hobbits with leprosy" that nabbed Spike, and postulates that they're taking Spike to Glory. "We have to get him back!" exclaims Buffybot. "So how do we find them?" queries Xander. Everyone looks expectantly at "Buffy," who stands there, the epitome of vacant, and finally says, "I fight with weapons." Because the Scoobies all seem to have a mysterious disease that results in their IQ degenerating down to whatever level the "plot" requires, they take that to mean that they should stop by Buffy's and arm themselves. The gang takes off, minus Tara, who is left to baby-sit Dawn.
Back to the Sacred Space of Slayerly Navel-Gazing. Buffy is trying to get the spirit guide to clarify her advice. It's useless, Buffy. Have you no idea how the vision quest works? Buffy recaps, "Love will lead me to my gift? I'm getting a gift, or do you mean that I have a gift to give someone else?" "Death is your gift," cryptics the spirit guide. Buffy, serious, tells the First that death is not a gift. "My mother just died. I know this. If I have to kill demons because it makes the world a better place then I kill demons. But it's not a gift to anybody." Except maybe vampires, who never got to die in the first place. The spirit guide intones, "Your question has been answered," and disappears, just like all the nasty little buggers do as soon as you DARE to question their counsel. The fire fades, leaving Buffy alone in the dark.