Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Sep: C | 6 USERS: B+
Domo arigato, Buffy Roboto

Back at Glory's, Spike is chained to the ceiling by his hands while Glory starts to peel him like an apple. Spike seems to break, and tells Glory that he'll tell her about the key.

Pan down on the park where we last saw Fake the Snake. Giles is contemplating the Buffybot, and pronounces it extraordinary. (And in return the 'bot pronounces his name incorrectly.) Yes. It is, isn't it? Y'know, this whole robot thing upsets me. It's too much of stretch for me to believe that a typical student at the Sunnydale equivalent of ITT Tech could build such a convincing cyborg, which is almost as effective a fighter as Buffy herself. And even if you accept that is within the realm of possibility, you'd think that if Warren were sitting on that kind of technology, he'd either sell out or be abducted by some terrorist organization in a white-paneled van. I know it may seem incongruous for me to be so picky when I accept the presence of all manner of vampires, demons, half-demons, and witches, but you just don't fuck with science, people. Not on my watch. And as long as I'm being picky, may I ask why the gang thinks it's okay to wander around with huge-ass weapons in the middle of the day? I know that, as viewers, we don't think twice when seeing them with axes and crossbows slung over their shoulders, but I'm thinking that either the police or the average citizen of Sunnydale might feel differently. Is it so much to ask that the show keep some semblance of pretense that there might be two or three Sunnydale residents left who don't know the purpose of the Scooby Gang? The whole concept of waging a secret war against the forces of darkness to protect the innocent and naïve citizenry from adversaries of whose existence they are unaware, and would be in any case unequipped to fight, really loses something for me when they go traipsing around in broad daylight armed to the teeth. Bah. Buffy decrees that the gang should split up; Giles gets stuck with 'bot-sitting duty. I didn't notice upon my first viewing, but Giles looks incredibly chagrined at this news, and when he turns back around to face the 'bot, she gives him the widest, dippiest smile. Cracks me up.

Back in Glory's five-star lair, Spike has almost run out of stalling techniques. Glory orders him to start squealing, and he pretends to go along with her, verbally meandering, while we see that he's working his chains loose enough to slip out of. "It's that guy. On TV…on the price show? Where they guess what stuff costs?" The minions finally provide a reason for their existence as One-Million-Light-Years-From-Dreg hesitantly offers, "The Price is Right?" Not-Dreg excitedly grabs One-Million-Light-Years-From-Dreg's arm and yelps, "Bob Barker!" "We will bring you the limp and beaten body of Bob Barker," offers One-Million-Light-Years-From-Dreg to Glory enthusiastically. Glory snaps that there's no way that Bob Barker is the Key. Spike giggles and says, "You're never gonna get the sodding key because you might be strong but in our world you're an idiot." "I'm a god," replies Glory in a steely voice. "The god of what?" snarks Spike, "bad home perms?" Spike antagonizes Glory some more, hitting her where she lives by insulting the size of her godly posterior and fashion sense, until she kicks him viciously, causing him to fly through the door and into the hallway. Spike stumbles, bloody, bruised, and wild-eyed, down the hall to the elevator, and if I weren't a fan of this show and were just flipping by I might think it was a clip from a Behind the Music on Billy Idol. The minions head for the lobby in pursuit. The elevator doors open, but just as they do, Buffy and Xander come running in, weapons at the ready. Again. What's with rushing and the weapons? Isn't it conceivable that this might be some normal person's luxury high-rise? And they fight. Xander's double is so incredibly noticeable in this scene, and I couldn't figure out why they didn't do a better job of hiding it until I realized that, no matter how they tried to recreate the greasy stringy mop of Nick Brendan's, it defied all of our modern hair-scarifying techniques. You just can't purposefully recreate hair that bad. Cue entrance for Giles and Buffybot. Buffybot quickly goes to protect Spike while Giles grapples with a minion, who tries to choke him with an axe handle. Giles manages to gurgle, "Buffy!" and both Buffys rush to his aid. The Buffybot takes a serious blow to the neural network and collapses against a wall. Not-Dreg and Not-Dreg: The Next Generation run upstairs.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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