Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B | 759 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
A Hellmouth On Elm Street

Xander and Cordy stealth into a records room that looks like it's in the basement. Xander says they just need to find out the little girl's cause of death. Cordy bitches about Buffy's illness putting her out, like, I rarely feel the need to say this, but shut up, Cordy. They split up. As Cordy looks around, the guy who was watching Buffy earlier appears out of nowhere and asks Cordy what she's doing. She nervously smiles.

Giles and Willow enter the library. Willow asks Giles what they should do, and gets a tepid answer, which she calls him on. He sighs that while Cordelia may be "homerically insensitive," he's afraid she may have a point about Buffy. He goes on that death and disease are that rare breed that Buffy can't fight, so it's natural for her to create a "defeatable opponent," especially after Miss Calendar's death. Willow acknowledges the logic, but points out that they're still living on the Hellmouth, and the kids may indeed have seen a monster. Giles says he doesn't recall a monster that only kids can see, but then gets an idea that what they're seeing may be the true face of an adult, and this is ground already covered in "Nightmares," so I'm not exactly stunned at his revelation. Although I can see where the true face of an adult could be very scary. Meg Ryan without makeup? Brrrr. Willow suggests that the kids might be afraid of Dr. Backer, and they go to look him up.

In the basement, the creepy guy, who's a security guard and also totally seems like a Hey! It's That Guy! ["it's Stanford from Sex & The City" -- Sars], is babbling about his job to a faux-enraptured Cordy. The guy goes on that he took the fireman's exam, but he didn't pass, like, whoa, dude -- slow down before I get the vapors here. Cordy counters that security guards are way sexier than firemen, and I crack myself up just imagining the security-guard equivalent of Backdraft. The protagonist, played by Jim Belushi, would enlist the aid of a wily but crazy old security guard, played by Marlon Brando, to learn that the man who keeps stealing his lunch out of the refrigerator is one of his own. I can't believe that movie hasn't been made yet. The guard is actually way more amusing that I had any right to expect, as he says, "Fear is for the weak. That's my motto. Either that, or 'live in the now.' I haven't decided yet." Cordy deftly turns the subject to the girl who died. The guy blathers that Dr. Backer is a great man, and ominously intones that he understands the real truth about children. Cordy asks what that might be. Amusing Guard: "Sometimes they die." Sigh. I have been upstaged in my quest to make dead children funny by a Hey! It's That Guy! security guard. I feel like I should hang up my snark and resign. We hear a noise, ostensibly made by Xander, and the guard starts in that direction, but Cordy tells him what a "perfect nose" he has, and he turns back to her. Xander darts out the door as Cordy speculates that he works out. He flares his nostrils in response. Hee.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP