Ace: Oh, I'm not getting bogged down in the need for facts. I've never been to Istanbul. I think the most exotic place I've ever been is Morocco.
Sep: That's just because you've never been to Bristol.
Ace: Heh. No, but I've been to Manchester -- does that count? Morocco is the one place I've been where I thought, "I will never understand this country if I lived here for a thousand years." And that's including Japan.
Sep: Yeah! That's how I felt pounding the pavement of Fishponds high street. They do things with baked beans there I've never seen before and have nightmares about seeing again.
Ace: Uh. Maybe you want to finish the recap now?
Sep: Ace, if you continue to start your sentences with "uh" or "um," I'm going to have to ban you.
Once on the roof, however, Mysterious Young Woman runs into another one of the robed figures, who pushes her off onto the ground. Ooof! She chose the wrong day to forget her jet-rocket back-pack. One of the black robed figures holds her down, and as the girl's eyes widen in horror, the other robed figure swings a curved knife.
With a smashing noise, we cut to a vampire digging himself out of his grave. Buffy sits nearby and declares, "It's about power. Who's got it. Who knows how to use it." Can I play? Power. Last season Marti Noxon had it. She certainly wasn't one of the ones who knew how to use it. Right, Buffy sensei? Cool; time for a Krispy Kreme. Especially since I've discovered that I have the power to stuff my maw with donuts and yet still fit into the same jeans. I've had a donut every day since March. You think that's hyperbole. It's not. I have references. The camera pans quickly to Dawn as Buffy tosses her a stake. Buffy asks who has the power, and Dawn suggests that she has the stake. "The stake is not the power," corrects Buffy. The vampire, still buried up to his chest, wiggles about a little and looks confused. The stake would seem to be the power right about now. "He doesn't have his strength," counters Dawn, gesturing to the vaguely wiggling vamp. "He might not know all those fancy martial arts skills they inevitably seem to pick up." "Who's got the power?" asks Buffy again, and Dawn flounces a little -- they've obviously been over this before -- but answers, "He does." Buffy stands up and tells Dawn to never forget it; no matter how prepared, Dawn's still a little girl. "Woman," correct Dawn. "Little woman," Buffy quickly agrees. "I'm taller than you," little-sisters Dawn, but Buffy won't be sidetracked. She starts to rant about "preternaturally strong" vampires but is interrupted by our buddy, who still hasn't managed to get out of the ground. "Excuse me," he butts in, "I think I'm stuck." He's more chatty than most newbie vamps. His foot is caught on a root, and he asks Dawn and Buffy for a hand out of his grave. Dawn mocks the idea that this lamer vamp holds the power, and Buffy tells her, "Zip it." Zip it! Zip it! Zip it! www.ZIPIT.com! Oh, god, Buffy, we could have used hearing that out of your mouth a lot more during Season Six. But we'll take what we can get, I guess.
Buffy hauls the vampire out one-handed, and he thanks her, but then attempts to segue into villain-speak. "That was a help, but unfortunately that was the last--" Buffy grabs him by the neck, and he chokes out, "Thing you'll ever do." Buffy informs the vamp that she's the Slayer, and tells him to go for Dawn instead. Vampires being suggestible creatures, he complies and rushes Dawn, who flips him over with a sort of aikido or judo move. Buffy's pretty impressed, but that only lasts a second, because Dawn misses the vamp's heart with the stake and ends up with him chomping on her neck. Buffy grabs the vamp from behind, and after a quick fight ["which would have been better without all the epileptic editing" --Ace"] she chops off his head. Dawn cowers at the base of a tree, holding her neck, as Buffy continues the lecture. "It's real. That's the only lesson, Dawn. It's always real." Except Season Six. That was just a really bad dream. Dawn snots that she had a plan the whole time, a plan to get turned into a vampire and come back to bite Buffy. Buffy reminds her that she requested training. They quibble, but then share warm fuzzies when Buffy praises Dawn's performance. That's not sufficient sharing, it seems, because then they feel compelled to share a bunch of dialogue about the Big Bad that's coming. Dawn can't believe it's back, and Buffy says, "I thought I was long past it." "Just a few more days 'til it starts," she continues, "and then we'll never know what's coming next." Oh, that wacky, contrived misleading dialogue -- it gets me every time, because I have never ever in my life watched television before.