Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Sep: B- | 2 USERS: B+
Golden rule days
Espresso Pump. A talent-free duo warbles annoyingly, "You are a miracle." Oh, that's a cheap trick -- putting them in a scene with Hallie and Anya just to drum up sympathy for the demons. The camera pans to reveal said demons, sitting nearby. Halfrek rolls her eyes. "Oh, who are they kidding with that happy, shiny crap?" Snerf. Should I take that as a meta-statement about Season Seven's shiny, happy demeanor so far? Anya, looking drawn and miserable with her new brunette hair and wearing a nightmare Victorian, high-collared, lace-flounced shirt, says the female singer will be calling on her for vengeance in "six weeks tops." Hallie mocks Anya's vengeance and tells her that all the other justice demons call Anya "Miss Soft Serve." Mmmm, the chocolate dip kind? Because that's my favorite. Anya's all wounded ignorance, and Hallie expresses surprise that Anya doesn't know about the talk behind her back. Hallie admits that she's been competitive with Anya in the past ("that thing in the Crimean War"), but that she always used to look up to Anya. "You were the single most hard-core vengeance demon on the roster and everybody knew it." Anya pouts and peers at Hallie from behind her floppy bangs. Hallie continues, talking about how Anya lost her powers and fell for Xander, which Anya says was a "glitch" and a "summer thing." She claims to be "back in the vengeance fold." Hallie is not convinced. "No deaths. No eviscerations. You're not goading women into anything inventive and you're not delivering when it is." Anya's all shaking her head, but Hallie continues, "That waitress downtown, wished her husband was a frog? You made him French!" Hee! Hallie continues that D'Hoffryn and the "lower beings" are all "feeling the heat" and "something's rising. Something older than old." Hey, didn't we do that already with Glory? Hallie continues that it's a "bad time to be a good guy." All in a huff, Anya wants to know if she's undergoing an intervention and if so, where the rest of her "demon friends" are. Hallie implies that she's the only one Anya's got.

Sunnydale High science building. Xander surveys blueprints and dishes out instructions to his crew. He's happy to see Buffy when she hurries up and asks how the school looks, fishing for compliments. Buffy has none to give, however, saying that the school is great "if you're a zombie ghost thing." I feel like I've typed the word "thing" in a lot of dialogue so far in this recap. Shouldn't writers, I dunno, know the proper words for "things"? Xander takes Buffy seriously (which is a nice change), and they step aside to discuss the "dead and pissed" entities that attacked Buffy in the bathroom. Xander asks if there was damage, and Buffy admits that Dawn's social life was the only casualty so far. Buffy then theorizes that the school being rebuilt is significant.

We cut to Dawn, brooding in class about her loser sister. The guy next to her asks for a pencil. She takes one out and hands it to him, but he's now a zombie guy and makes to stab her in the eye with it. Dawn screams and throws herself out of her chair, clutching at her eye. She rolls on the floor, and the teacher rushes over. Dawn realizes that she hasn't been damaged in any way, and apologizes for disturbing the class. She claims that a bee flew in her eye. "I'm very allergic." It seems like a pretty good lie, but the teacher doesn't quite buy it. The whole class stares at Dawn, who asks if she can go to the bathroom. She hurries out, and one guy whispers to another, "Guess it runs in the family." Does that mean Dawn told the class that her sister was crazy after Buffy burst in? I would've.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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