Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Lessons

Episode Report Card
Sep: B- | 2 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Golden rule days
Pan down down down down to the basement, where Dawn and Kit have fallen. I guess the fall didn't kill them after all. Well, on the bright side, at least y'all still know what to get me for Christmas. Dawn dusts herself off, and the girls go in search of some stairs.

Hallway. Buffy's still hanging around the campus. Principal Wood is still tormenting Buffy by telling her that the school board recommended he take a gander at her file. Aren't those things sealed or something after you graduate? Whatever. I'm not paid to be an authority on permanent record protocol, so I'll just let that slide. Buffy has forgotten that once you've escaped high school, the principal is unable to intimidate you ever again, and she agitatedly protests that her past is more "plaid" than checkered.

Kit and Dawn are still searching for an exit. Suddenly, Dawn gives her first patented ear-shattering scream of the season as we run into Carlos, a kid who went down to the basement to smoke but then was accosted by creepy dead people. That happens more than you might think. On cue, a creepy dead person shows up to harass them: "Do you really think you can run away?" They back away. "I tried to run too," interjects another zombie kid from behind them. Ruh roh! They're surrounded on all sides. Dawn quickly remembers that Buffy gave her a present this morning. "What is it?" asks Kit. "A weapon," snaps Dawn as she whips out her new cell phone.

Hallway. Buffy has changed tactics and decided to play up her troubled past in an attempt to convince Principal Wood to expel Dawn. Jeez, Buffy, if you're so darn concerned, enroll Dawn at another high school. Better yet, send her to boarding school in England. ["That's kind of hard cheese on Giles, though, wouldn't you say?" -- Sars] However, this principal is one of those woolly-headed liberal educators who believes in giving kids chances. They're interrupted by the trill of Buffy's cell phone. Principal is a bit miffed that Buffy takes the call, since cell phones are verboten on campus. Buffy asides to the Principal, "Sorry! My dog! Walker." Who must be out walking that dog Buffy won in a truth-telling contest two towns over. I suppose it's better than admitting that your sister is trapped in the basement being accosted by zombie spirit things. Principals these days have all heard that old chestnut before. They never fall for it. "Really dead?" whispers Buffy into the mouthpiece. Principal Wood overhears this snippet and expresses concern. Cut to the basement. "And Buffy?" says Dawn. "Isn't this reception amazing? I'm in the freakin' basement." Well, they obviously don't have my wireless provider, which only seems to provide reception to customers over three stories tall. Buffy makes her apologies and beats a hasty retreat. Which is sort of ruined by the sight of SMG in the background, tottering off on her high heels and looking for all the world like a little pat of butter in that unfortunate milkfat-colored outfit. It really takes me out of the moment. Next time wear shoes you can run or at least stride purposefully in, Buffy. The whole half jog, flapping your arms for balance thing isn't going to convince anyone that you're up to contending with anything more daunting than a hangnail.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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