Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Lie To Me

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: A | 6 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
We'll Always Have Hemery

In the hallway, Buffy answers that she doesn't think so, as they looked pretty friendly. Because Angel has tons of human friends these days. Xander asks what's wrong, and Willow fills him in. Buffy asks if she has to be in "total share mode." Xander says that she needs cheering up, and suggests a "crazed dance party at the Bronze." He accompanies it with one of his patented "if I were the last person on Earth, I still wouldn't make it onto Soul Train" moves. Buffy doesn't reply, and he downgrades that to "very calm dance party at the Bronze," finishing with "moping at the Bronze." Heh.

Jason Behr appears behind her and says that a box of Oreos dunked in apple juice (the hell?) should work, but she might be over that phase. Buffy turns, and she and an earring-wearing Jason greet each other as "Ford" and "Summers" and share an embrace. I was going to call him Max, but I realized he displays more personality and range in this one episode than he did in three seasons of Roswell, so Ford it is. Buffy asks what he's doing there, and he says he's finishing out his senior year. As it were. They exposit that Ford and Buffy went to Hemery together for seven years, and that she used to have a crush on him. Xander begs for an introduction, which is given. He's predictably petulant. Ford half-jokes that he couldn't compromise his sixth-grade status by dating a fifth-grader. Buffy responds that she moped over him for months, and during that time she would sit in her room listening to "I Touch Myself." Realizing her error, she says that she had no idea what the song was about. She wisely shifts gears by inviting Ford to the Bronze. Ford asks if he'd be imposing. Xander, mock-sweetly: "Oh, only in the literal sense." Hee. Ford wisely ignores Xander, says he'll be there, and goes to find the admissions office, accompanied by Buffy. Xander: "Geez, doesn't she know any fat guys?" Willow, eyes widening: "Oh! That's what that song is about?" Hee.

Bronze. Xander, Willow, and Ford are playing pool when Buffy arrives. Willow slyly says that Ford was telling them about the "ninth-grade swimsuit competition." Buffy admonishes Ford: "The more people you tell, the more people I have to kill." Since we know Buffy was crowned May Queen Equivalent, how badly could it have gone? Unless of course the whole reason she got elected was that she had a little, um, accident and, er, gave it her all, so to speak. Ford smiles that he knows all her darkest secrets. Xander: "Care to make a small wager on that?" The fact that Ford does in fact know Buffy's darkest secret would be a subtle irony, were it not for the simple fact that Xander is always wrong. Buffy goes to get a drink, and runs into Angel. Xander explains to Ford that Angel is Buffy's "beau." Ford observes that Angel looks older than Buffy. Xander: "You're not wrong." Heh. Buffy asks Angel what he did the previous night, but he says he did nothing. Buffy: "Nothing at all. You ceased to exist?" For some reason, that strikes me as a very Patty Chase-like thing to say. Maybe it's just because I recently got my MSCL DVDs. Angela -- I mean, "Angel" clarifies that he stayed in and read. Buffy's face falls, and she steps back over to Ford as Angel follows. Buffy introduces them, and they shake hands. Ford: "Whoa! Cold hands!" Xander: "You're not wrong." Heh. That's two laughs you've gotten out of me with the same line, Xander. Quit while you're ahead. Angel asks if Ford is visiting Buffy, but Ford explains that he just "moved down." This is the only reference I remember to Sunnydale's geographical position relative to L.A., for anyone who cares. Willow brightly asks Angel if he wants to play pool, but Buffy says it's getting crowded, and asks Ford if he'd like to take a walk with her. He accepts, and they leave, Buffy avoiding Angel's eyes. Xander: "Okay, once more with tension." Was that the original name for the musical episode? Angel looks suspicious. Or he could be trying to figure out how many angels can dance on the head of a pin. We're not dealing with a huge range of facial expressions here. Xander notes that Ford moves fast. He and Willow look down, and when they look up, Angel's gone. Do I even have to say, "Ha ha...not"?

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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