Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Lies My Parents Told Me

Episode Report Card
Lies My Parents Told Me

Cut to Xander chaining Spike up in the basement of Casa Summers. Dawn, Buffy, Wood, Giles, Willow, the UN security council, three random passersby, and a small hedgehog are all in attendance. Okay, not really, but seriously. The number of people present for this is way unnecessary. Giles, Willow and Buffy will perform the spell. Xander, Dawn and Wood will distribute small snacks and throw Jujubes at Spike's head. Predictably, Spike bristles at Wood's presence, and he's got a point. Too bad that I'm so disgusted by Buffy's coddling of him that I don't care enough to see his side. Giles explains that The First is using something in Spike's subconscious to turn him into a violent beast. Giles pulls a black stone out of pocket and informs Spike that when they insert it into his brain, it will reveal the trigger. Once Spike knows what his trigger is, they can work on breaking its hold. Giles stresses that the stone only functions as a catalyst, and all of the psychoanalytic heavy lifting will be up to Spike. Oh God. We're doomed. Spike wants to know how they're planning to get the stone into his head. Giles calls Willow to the fore, spell book in hand. She hopes her "prow-nunciation is in the ballpark." Based on her pronunciation of "pronunciation," we're double-doomed.

Willow begins an incantation, and the thing in the box glows and slithers into life. It looks like nothing more than a magic booger. Giles brings the box close to Spike. Spike squirms and protests. Can't say I blame him. That thing has to enter via the optic nerve. The magic booger works its way up his cheek and enters his eye, and then gets lost because it goes up his forehead bone instead of traversing the optical nerve. I can't believe that I know where the optical nerve is, but I don't know the proper term for forehead bone. Ah, well. Spike shakes and rubs at his head. Buffy rushes over to sit by him. Spike: "How'm I supposed to know if this bug ugly's doing his..." Spike is illuminated by a warm yellow glow. He looks up, and the camera pans behind him to reveal a scene from his human past. He's at his former home, reading poetry to his mother. And MAAAN, that living room is busy. It looks like it was host to a Past Times vs. Victoriana catalog deathmatch that ended with both of them exploding. Spike's mother, looking rather old and drawn, gushes over his poetry and then wonders if "this Cecily" is the Underwoods' eldest. Spike dissembles, saying, "I don't presume." Spike's mum tells him that he "needs a woman in [his] life." He replies that he does have a woman in his life. She is momentarily taken in, but then realizes that William has some really serious Oedipal issues. Victorian etiquette dictates that it would be in poor taste to mention this, so she pretends to be flattered. He promises to always look after her, but she has a coughing fit, hoping to die and escape her creepy son. Knowing that Spike's women-paragon obsession thing in which he defines himself and his moral center by the dominant female figure in his life started back when Spike was human, and has continued until the present day, really makes me realize how pathetic a creature he truly is. You'd think that after the first hundred years he might have self-actualized or something.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12Next

Buffy the Vampire Slayer




Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP