Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Lies My Parents Told Me

Episode Report Card
Lies My Parents Told Me

Spike offers to send for the doctor, but his mum says she will be fine. She asks Spike to sit with her, and instead of sitting like a normal person in the chair, he lowers himself down to the floor to rest his head against her knee. She begins to hum and sings the song that is Spike's trigger. Close up on Spike's age-ravaged face. It seems, in their zeal to make sure we realize that Spike is human, that they turned him orange. And then lit him in fluorescent light. No one looks good lit by fluorescents, and those huge pores and crappy wig aren't doing him any favors either.

Back in the basement, Spike vamps out. He grabs Buffy and throws her into the laundry station, then struggles against his chains while roaring. Dude. Why did they get Olaf the Troll God of Bad Retconning to dub Spike's roars? Those sounds are way too deep to be coming from that little body. Spike upends his cot and throws it at Dawn. Dawn is down! Dawn is down! Spike rips one of his chains out of the wall, but then abruptly the magic booger falls out of eye, inert, and he's once again in control of himself.

Spike yells at Buffy to "get these sodding [chains] off me. I'm fine!" Psst. Blondie. You might want to try that line on a group of people that didn't see you turn into a raving maniac just a few seconds ago. Giles is interested to know what Spike remembers about the song. Spike offhands the name of an "old folk ditty" that his mum used to sing to him, but insists that it doesn't "mean" anything. Except that it has the power to turn him into a homicidal maniac. He also mentions that she sung it to him when he was "a baby," and I just have to snigger at that. Giles thinks there's more to it, but Spike doesn't wanna play. He tries to deflect the attention from himself by trying to convince Buffy to check on Dawn, but apparently he hasn't gotten that memo that the only person whose welfare means anything to Buffy is Spike. Buffy shrugs that Dawn is "tough." Tough to take, maybe.

Upstairs, Willow is dabbing at a cut on Dawn's head, causing her to whimper. The phone rings, and Andrew goes to answer it. Kennedy says, "So Spike's trigger has been active this entire time." "How can Buffy take this for granted?" adds an outraged Rona. So refreshing to see some people having normal reactions to Spike. "He lives in our house! We train with him," Rona rants, livid. The camera cuts to Anya, who wearing one of the worst outfits I have ever seen on this show. The first time I saw it, I screamed over her entire line. It's hard to achieve that reaction without anything clashing, but somehow the Fashion Nazi has managed to do just that. Anya appears to be wearing some sort of knit swim cap adorned with lilac flowers, paired with a knit tank top spackled with big purple polka dots. Shouldn't someone with a fear of bunnies look less like an Easter egg? Anya warns them to not "waste [their] time down that road. Spike's got some sort of get-out-of-jail-free card that doesn't apply to the rest of us. I mean, he could slaughter a hundred frat boys and..." It's not enough for ME to pull the cheap trick of giving this line to Anya, making it easy to discount her view with the knee-jerk reaction of, "Oh, that hypocritical Anya," but do they also have to put her in that outfit too? I mean, you wouldn't take anyone seriously about anything if they were wearing that. Andrew breaks in with the news that the call is for Willow. It's Fred from L.A.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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