Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Life Serial

Episode Report Card
Sep: C | 5 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Life Serial

Anyway. Zauber Kasten. Buffy makes her way to Sourpuss, but she's stopped again by the candle guy, and wordlessly hands him the lemon candle. Buffy tells the lady that she will be unable to help her with her mummy hand needs. Sourpuss insists that she's "not leaving until [she] gets a mummy hand," because when she called earlier, someone told her that they had one in stock. Chagrined, Buffy goes downstairs again. She approaches the mummy hand with tongs and a dagger. The mummy hand dances in anticipation. It raises its two front fingers like a tarantula about to bite, and Buffy snaps her tongs. Cut to upstairs, where Sourpuss is peering quizzically into her bag. "Fingers sold separately," Buffy explains.

Ding! Looping. Again. The worst part of this is the crappy music. Giles. Advice. "Yes. And then I'm going to marry Bob Dole and raise penguins in Guam," retorts Buffy in an attempt to ease her frustrations. She immediately shouts, "Mummy hand, right?" in the direction of Sourpuss as she heads downstairs. Cut to a shot of the hand, choking Sourpuss at the counter while Buffy tries to pull it off of her. You can tell that Buffy is new to this retail gig from the way she actually tries to save the customer's life, instead of realizing that if the customer were to drop dead, she wouldn't have any more problems.

Ding-a-ling! Oh, that could apply to so many things. Buffy. Me, for watching this crap. Mutant Enemy, for producing this crap. Y'know, I might have more patience for this sort of thing if they hadn't just done a looping gag last season. Buffy. Losing patience. Tries to leave through the front door but ends up right back in der Zauber Kasten. Cut to Buffy staring sadly at something off-screen. We switch to see the mummy hand clicking the tongs at her. Okay. HA! Dar be funny.

Upstairs, Buffy pulls off the bell in frustration. She smiles grimly to herself.

Ding-a-ling-a-ling! Buffy passes the candle guy. "You like slug? Go with slug. She's not gonna sleep with you anyway."

Cut to the Legion of Dim in the van. Warren: "This mummy hand has ceased to be!" Andrew: "It is an ex-mummy hand!" Oh, okay. That too is slightly amusing. But the main problem I'm having with the Legion of Dim is that I'm a geek myself. The other weekend, I was at a friend's house. He was busy reassembling his machine just for kicks, our other friend was on another machine recompiling his kernel, and I was on the couch doing a wee bit of shell programming. We were also watching Free Enterprise, which is a really fun little film, but if you're not familiar with it, the only thing you really need to know is that it co-stars William Shatner. As himself. My friend, being a good host, busted out a bag of that pre-made Chex-Mix-type stuff. It got passed around. All and sundry agreed that it is of the good and should earn a place in snack-food Valhalla for all time. We quickly inhaled most of the bag. When it made its way around to me, I noticed a little logo on the back.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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