Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Sep: C | 940 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Never Leave Me

Willow and Andrew enter The Hostel For Whiny Sisters And Wayward Murdering Friends. At some point, they've retrieved a bag full of blood sacks. Willow shows off her little prize-with-purchase to Xander, Dawn, and Anya. Xander's been working on the window, and Anya and Dawn have been just taking up space, as usual. "You'll get nothing out of me, carpenter," brazens Andrew. Xander, looking strapping in a black t-shirt, isn't so sure.

Quick cut to Xander tying Andrew to a chair -- in Dawn's room, I think. Andrew wants Anya to be careful with his coat, so she tramples it on the floor. Xander begins the interrogation as Anya looks on avidly. Xander wonders why all the blood, and gets a lame story about Andrew falling in love with a "beautiful vampire girl." Anya loses her temper and grabs Andrew's shirt front. "Now you want to waste my time with deceptions?" she snaps. "Not on my watch!" She belts Andrew in the face and Xander, all concerned-like, grabs her arms and asks to speak to her outside the room. Andrew snivels, of course.

That stupid ominous music heralds another Spike and Buffy scene. Spike sucks greedily on Buffy's swollen bag. Of blood! The bag of pig's blood she's holding up for him, people. Sheesh, get your minds out of the gutter. Seriously, though, all the sucking and slurping in this scene makes it one of the most revolting things I've seen in a long time.

Brit Boy: Maybe they should dilute that Ribena. I'm not sure it's wise to give a vampire that much of a sugar rush.
Sep: I'll bet that joke kills on your side of the pond. [eye-roll]
Brit Boy: Hundreds dead so far.

Xander and Anya hole up in the bathroom. We're expecting that he'll bitch her out, but their body language goes from angry to excited, and Anya burbles, "Did you see that? I actually made him cry!" Xander praises her performance as the bad cop, she says he was great as the good cop, and they're sure they'll have Andrew "singing in no time." Buffy enters, and Anya excitedly asks about her progress with Spike. "He's not talking yet," groans Buffy, rubbing her neck. First, how could he with your faux-teat shoved in his mouth, and second, stop acting all like you've been working hard, Buffy. Standing around in your bedroom, not talking, doesn't seem much like hard work to me. Anya gloats about Andrew, "The weasel wants to sing. He just needs a tune." Hey! I repeatedly referred to Andrew as a weasel in my last recap. I'll count that as a fantasy shout-out. Xander has a line about pumping that I'm going to ignore.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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