Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Never Leave Me

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Never Leave Me

Commercials. Oh how I've longed for your sweet, sweet relief. The three millionth promotion for The Twilight Zone episode starring Brian Austin Green and Moira Kelly? Bring it on! Say what you will about The West Wing's critical acclaim, but I just want to point out that you know your career is in the toilet when you get second billing behind Brian Austin Green, an actor best known for having to dry-hump Tori Spelling for the better part of ten years.

Cut to a construction site. Principal Wood displaces a few shovelfuls of earth and dumps Jonathan's body into a ditch. That principal -- he's so stylish that he doesn't even get a speck of dirt on him when covertly dumping bodies. Ooh! I'm so glad we know for sure now that Principal Wood will be playing a part in this season's plot. And it's so fu-diddly-un that we still don't know whose side he's on. I mean, it's not at all like we've known all of that from the VERY FIRST EPISODE of the season. Except, y'know, the opposite of all that.

Casa Summers. Willow and Dawn grapple with the black robes. Buffy takes a few of them off their hands, but it's not enough to prevent Willow from getting knocked out. I'm pretty sure that Giles didn't tell you that your friends would need you around to get bonked on the head, Tabitha. One of the black robes runs upstairs, and Buffy gives chase. Dawn fights so well that I live in fear of a spin-off. Upstairs, a black robe pulls out a couple of Ginsu knives and goes to take care of Andrew. Bah. This fight is boring. Once it's finally over, Xander runs upstairs to check on Buffy. They quickly realize that there were far more of the black robes than the bodies account for. Buffy realizes that they must have been after Spike. They truck downstairs to find a pair of empty chains.

Back in the living room, Buffy leans down to inspect the bodies and notices their sewn-shut eyes. She realizes that they aren't being haunted at all. "I know what we're up against. The First." Dawn and Willow look blankly at her, because they weren't in much of "Amends" at all.

Stock footage of London. The camera pans up the exterior of a building. Inside, it's a mass of swarming confusion and tweed. One of the Watchers tells Quentin Travers that not only have all their files been wiped out, but they've lost contact with a number of their outposts around the world, and casualty reports are still coming in. That lady Watcher who wrote her thesis on Spike disconsolately says, "We are crippled." Quentin takes Lydia's arm and tells her that they're still captains of their souls. Quentin confirms to the assembled Watchers that the First Evil has "declared all-out war on this institution." He gives a rousing little speech to rally the troops and tells them that "it's time we strike back." He sets the wheels in motion for a little Hellmouth road trip. "These are the times that define us," he finishes, pompous to the last. Cut to an exterior shot of a building that is not at all the same building we saw in the establishing shot shown at the beginning of this scene. It blows up. Presumably, we're supposed to think that the CoW Headquarters has just exploded. Well, that might prove to be vaguely interesting.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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