Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Never Leave Me

Episode Report Card
Sep: C- | 2 USERS: A+
Never Leave Me

Butcher shop. Oh, I so totally don't see where this is going. I don't have a thought in my mind that Willow and Andrew could end up at the same butcher shop. Nope, no suspicion at all. So I totally won't be distracted and impatient with this scene, tapping my foot and waiting for Willow to show up so we can just move the hell on already. Nope. In fact, I've always had a secret desire to see an "Andrew goes shopping for dinner" scene, so I found this riveting and dramatically profound. This whole paragraph is a lie. Except the first sentence. Let's try again.

Butcher shop. Andrew is there to get blood. I realize that Willow will show up soon, and since I have very little interest in watching Andrew do anything, especially shop for groceries, I tune out most of the scene waiting for the moment when the plot might actually lurch into motion and creak forward an inch or two. Halibut, toothbrush, Neo, steak sauce. That's my new mantra for yoga meditation. A-ha, it's time to run into Willow. Literally, of course, because ME never hesitates to be as obvious as possible. Willow glares.

Commercials. Bless their whorish little hearts. Aw, not enough. Whore more! Whore more!

Willow chases Andrew down an alley on the studio's back lot. Or around the corner from the butcher shop, if you insist in living in a fantasy land. Willow's hair looks very pretty, and I'm once again forced to ponder how much prettier and animated Alyson Hannigan is than Willow is allowed to be. SMG probably has had some clause in her contract since Season Four that all other females on the show must be uglified so that she can shine. Andrew begs Willow not to kill him, and doesn't seem very convinced when she says she won't. Oh, I like Willow's wine-colored velvet shirt, too. SMG must have been away from the set the day they shot this. Andrew tries to tell Willow that he's a good guy now, but when she asks why he needed the animal blood, he can't think of a good reason except, "I'm bad. I'm evil." He goes on to say that he's protected by mystical forces. He stutters unconvincingly, "If you harm me you shall know the wrath of he that is darkness and terror. Your blood will boil and you will know true suffering." Willow gives him an amusing little look, like, "Um, okay." She's able to be amused, because she hasn't had to sit through a year of the comic-book stylings of Andrew like we have. This scene might have been a little amusing last season (though I would have still been resentful of the heartless nerd-mocking), but at this point it's just tedious and repetitive. Andrew sees everything through the lens of trashy fiction. Check. He cannot distinguish fantasy from reality. Check. I was getting this when I was an embryo, and I'm pretty ancient now, people. How about some adding nuance or dimensionality to Andrew's character? Too much to ask, I guess. ME must think the story is better served by a one-trick buffoon. Willow gets exasperated with being called a "she-witch" and shoves Andrew up against a wall, commanding, "Shut your mouth!" I'm all proud of Willow for a second, but then the script just replaces Andrew's cliché ramblings with Willow's. She decides to talk to Andrew on his level, I guess. "I am a she-witch. A very powerful she-witch, or 'witch' as is more accurate. I am not to be trifled with!" Groan. She continues on, but is nowhere as cute or charming as when she pretended to be her vampire double in "Doppelgangland." She ends her threats with a chirpy, "Okay?" Andrew nods, and she hauls him off by the lapels.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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