Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Never Leave Me

Episode Report Card
Sep: C- | 2 USERS: A+
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Never Leave Me

Buffy goes back into her bedroom. This is like a French bedroom farce. Without the French, or the farce. That just leaves bedroom, and since there's not any sex, that doesn't add up to much. Buffy approaches Spike, who seems to be a little refreshed by the blood. He can't remember killing all the people since he's been back in Sunnydale; he's been "losing time." Buffy asks when the chip stopped working; Spike didn't know that it had. Buffy wonders about the lost time, which Spike isn't sure about, but he seems to think has been happening since he got his soul. Hope all you want that Buffy will ask an interesting question and you'll get some new information here, but hope in vain. Buffy's bound and determined to make the audience sit through exposition about things they've known all season, or even since last season. She wants to know how Spike got the soul. He grunted a few times and Joss gave an interview, Buffy. Too bad all the vampires don't know how easy it is. Sadly, the blood has now refreshed Spike enough for him to remember his role as self-pitying whiner this season. He again stresses that he got the soul for Buffy ("Thanks, uh, but I already have one of my own. Did you keep the receipt?") and then actually says that the "trials" and "torture" he endured to get the damn shoddy thing were nothing compared to the pain Buffy put him through. Boo fuckin' hoo. Buffy's exasperated (as am I) and accuses Spike of feeling sorry for himself (as do I). He claims he's being honest, and petulantly digs, "You used me." Dude, every time you screwed her, she wore a t-shirt that said, "I'm using you." She had "I'm using you" tattooed on her forehead! During every interaction you two had last season, planes swooped overhead, skywriting the words, "She's using you!" in fifty-foot letters! It's hardly a newsflash. There are tiny colonies of single-celled life at the bottom of deep fissures in the sea using their cilia to tell each other, "Buffy used Spike." Can we please move on?

No, because ME cannot remove their heads from their collective navels, I guess. He admits that Buffy clued him in about the using, but he never "understood it." "You hated yourself and you took it out on me," continues Spike. Yes! We WERE THERE and we SAW IT, and Buffy WAS THERE and knows what it signified, and even the damn deep-sea creatures downloaded a pirate version and SAT THROUGH IT, so what possible dramatic device does it serve to make us endure Spike talking about it? Spike claims that he now understands her because he's had these revelations about Buffy's actions last season. He doesn't understand her any more than he ever did. Which is to say, not at all. She mocks him for thinking he has insight into violence. Spike whines some more. This little piggy went to Africa, this little piggy got a soul, this little piggy ate human blood, this little piggy ate more, and this little piggy cried, "Wah, wah, wah, I hate myself," all the way home.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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