World's biggest shout-out to IntelChick, the gracious host of Buffyfest Hawaii 2000. Apparently I'm not allowed to say she was "sweet" for driving me and Ash all over O'ahu, showing us the sights, providing fashion advice, and even arranging for us to have dinner at a friend's house on a porch overlooking Pearl Harbor, but I am allowed to say that she performed well above and beyond the call of duty. So that's what I'll say. She rocks, people!

Buffy started a moment before my VCR did, so I did not catch the previouslys.

Two monks (one of whom must have been a big Monkees fan, at some point because he has stolen Peter Tork's haircut) rush down a corridor, weighted down with candles and other accruements. The screen helpfully informs us that this occurred two months ago. Aw, man, I hate history. They careen around a corner and enter a chamber, barring the door with what looks to be an entire tree trunk. "It's coming," says one. "Our lives aren't important. We have to protect the key," replies the other. I always make sure to have spare keys on hand. Something these guys should look into. They run and sit by a third monk, who needs their help to complete a ritual. Something begins banging on the door, and the monks grow increasingly worried. There is a bright burst of light, and bits of door fly inward.

Now. So says my screen. Buffy is shoved up against a "Private Property" sign by a strapping vamp. Witty banter ensues until Buffy stakes him. Oh well. He deserved to die, the way he just stood stock still and patiently waited for Buffy to deliver her last barb before planting a stake in him. Buffy puts her stake back into her "fur" coat. I'm just not sure if you can assign the moniker of "fur" to something that looks like it was made by stapling eight different species of hamsters together. She turns, and a bright light is being shone into her face by the security guard on duty, who mistakenly thinks she's there for a rave. He kicks her out, and she turns to go, but the security guy hands her a glowing orb. Sigh. It's always "orb of this" and "orb of that." You'd think an orb was the only mystical tchotchke in existence.

Summers kitchen. Buffy slides a perfectly-made piece of French toast onto a plate while admonishing Dawn to "touch nothing." "Who died and made you the Iron Chef?" snips Dawn in return. Heh. ["I used to love that show before the Food Network ruined it." -- Sep] Buffy expositions that Joyce is sick while Dawn breaks something. Joyce enters and expresses some maternal cynicism and astonished gratitude. Buffy aggressively questions her mother about her headaches, and when Joyce tells her that the doctors haven't been able to diagnose her yet, Buffy demands that they seek a second opinion. Joyce reminds Buffy that they still need a first opinion, and Buffy says, "Okay. We'll go right now." Hold up there, Buff. Where do you think you are? Canada? This is the United States, where you can't just up and go to a doctor because you feel ill. You have to call your HMO, tell them you're coughing up blood, and then wait for the next available appointment in three months. Joyce reassures Buffy that she is still the one that should be worried about her daughters, and grabs Dawn into a hug and calls her "little punkin' belly." Buffy seems upset by Dawn and Joyce's close relationship, and drags Dawn with her to the opening of the Magic Box.