Her song begins as a jaunty tune about how all the world is a stage and it won't really matter if you make a few mistakes, but then, as the Super Minionettes advance on her, her tune changes to something rough and abrupt as she handily beats the hell out of them. "Whistle while you work / So hard all day." As the Scooby Gang enters, the song changes back to peppy: "To be like other girls / To fit in in this glittering world." Giles declares that Buffy needs back-up, and calls for Anya and Tara to assist her. They dash behind Buffy to flank her and provide much needed "aaaaah aaaaah aaaah"s. Hee! I really wish they wouldn't put Tara next to these whippet-thin girls who are ninety percent bone and hair and teeth if they insist on dressing her in this hippie-dippy, crunchy granola, earth-mother crap that makes her look like the side of a house. Tara is probably no larger than a size six, but when you wear a long, shapeless skirt with a monochromatic top that cuts you off right at the widest part of the hips, it really doesn't do you any favors. In fact, it goes out of its way to be snide to you. Tara would look so much nicer if they gave her a more streamlined look. Buffy pleads that she needs "something to sing about." Buffy goes up the stairs to the stage. TCHD makes demon come-hither fingers at her. Her song changes to a minor key as she spells it out for the Scoobs. "There was no pain / No fear, no doubt / 'Til they pulled me out / Of heeeeeaaven" with "heaven" sung so flat that it makes my teeth itch. She purses her lips and looks at the Scoobs. She has to repeat it a few more times, because you can't just say something once in a musical. It's a law or something. Willow looks horrified. Xander is shocked. But it's nothing compared to Anya who looks like…okay. She looks like she just discovered that her mashed potatoes don't have quite enough butter. Maybe we shouldn't look to Anya for reaction shots until she's learned how to emote via expressions when you don't have any lines. Buffy faces her friends: "So give me something to sing aaaaabouuut!" If it's possible to yell in song, she's managing to do it here. She turns to TCHD and pleads, "Pleaaaase! Give me something!" He just shakes his head, because he's an evil Tandoori Chicken Headed demon. Buffy flips off the stage and starts cutting a rug. She's a whirling, dancing dervish. She spins and smokes and is about to combust until Spike grabs her mid-spin. I guess Spike was waiting outside this whole time, trying to scrounge up enough dough for the cover charge.
He sings to her, "Life's not a song / Life isn't bliss / Life is just this / It's liiiiiiving," in a minor key that mirrors hers. He then brushes a stray lock of hair behind her ear, gazes at it with deep emotion, and asks if she's been using Dawn's shampoo. Spike tells her that the cure for what ails her is simply living. Someone finally pokes Dawn awake as she gets up to deliver her line: "The hardest thing in this world is to live in it." Uh, thanks. I guess I needed that anvil-shaped hole in my ceiling. I hope my renters' policy covers acts of the overly obvious. MBTV offered me anvil insurance when I signed up but I was all, "No, no! I have a good show. I won't be needing any of that." I've been kicking myself every day since. The music fades away as TCHD claps, congratulating them all on a good show. Willow snarls at him to "get out of here." He agrees that he and Dawn should hit the road because the traffic on the way to hell is always a snarled mess. Giles is all, "Over my dead, golden-throated, wicked sexy British body!" TCHD reminds all and sundry that Dawn summoned him, and therefore he gets to keep her as a consolation prize. Dawn sputters that she did no such thing, and that she got the necklace while she was, fingerquotes, "cleaning" at the shop. Giles realizes that if the trinket was found at the shop, that means one of the gang had to have done the deed. He fixes each of the girls with a look as Xander slowly raises his hand. Xander? Okay, how? If a layperson like Xander can raise a demon from a simple charm, maybe they should keep those items locked up. Do they come with instructions? I mean really, really detailed instructions. With diagrams, perhaps? Scale drawings? I mean, Xander. Realization washes over Xander's face as he asks, "Does this mean I hafta…be your queen?" TCHD briefly considers: "It's tempting. But I think we'll waive that clause just this once." He then transforms into a stream of glowing light and takes off.