Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Ace: C | 1129 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Thoroughly Modern Millie

Okay. Back to what's passing for a plot. Xander is miffed that the seers weren't able to find any identifying information. "Am I getting the definition of seer wrong?" This new development throws a wrench in Buffy's plans to take the Junior Misses out on a field trip that night. Willow offers to do a locating spell for the eighty-seventh episode in a row, but Buffy is still unsure if she should go. Dawn is all, "You have more important things to do," but she says it in a self-pitying way. Buffy ignores her, as do the viewers. The Action Monkeys peep in from the kitchen, and I give them the go-ahead. They surround Dawn, slapping at her and pulling her hair.

Dawn: Wait! You can’t do this. I'm the little sister! I'm the spin-off hope! Joss says you must love me!
Lead Monkey: Hmmm. Do you have a flag?
Dawn: Uh, no. But, uh, I have shiny hair!
Lead Monkey: No flag, huh? We're not stopping.

They're mean, but I think I love them.

In the kitchen, the Junior Misses drool over weaponry. Mollie likes the crossbow. Shrinking Vi-olet is a mace girl. Rona goes for the "feel of wood in [her] hand." That's not Kennedy's style, but we already twigged to that. Dawn passive-aggressives, "Oh right. You guys are going on your little group patrol." Kennedy is excited about actually getting to kill things; Dawn squeaks defensively, "I've killed things!" Yeah. Most of the B-plots in Season Six, as well as many viewers' love for the show. Enter Buffy. Hot on her heels is Andrew, begging to go with. Andrew: "I'm not begging!" Buffy: "You're like a small dog, dancing for Snausages." Okay, that got a hee from me. Andrew whines that it's only because Buffy thinks that he is evil. "He's not evil," asides Buffy to the Misses, "but when he gets close to it he picks up its flavor. Like a mushroom or something." ["God. Andrew as a mushroom? How I wish he were kept in the dark and fed shit." -- Sep] ["Actually, I think that's the fate of the audience these days, Sep." -- Ace] Oh. The Mouth of Buffy has spoken. Hear ye! Andrew is not evil! Except that he killed his best friend, plotted to take over Sunnydale, went along with plans to rape Katrina, and when that went sour sat idly by and thought it was "cool" when he got away with her murder. Funny how the bar of evil has been set a little differently ever since Spike became a regular. Speaking of the devil, here he is. The girls greet him with excited twitters. And that's Exhibit Number 782,248,521 proving that we really are dealing with the dregs of the chosen line here. Buffy tells them to gear up, as it's time to go. Dawn sulkily watches them leave. I look around for the Action Monkeys, but it turns out they're all in the Summers's bathroom, fixing their faces and chattering. They're happy to see me (and offer to help "fix" my eyebrows) but decline to harass Dawn again until after the next commercial break. Must be Monkey union rules I didn't know about.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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