Buffy the Vampire Slayer
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Thoroughly Modern Millie

Buffy goes to retrieve her axe and expositions that Anya believes that The First "is in remission for a while." Actually, it's just holed up in its lair reading magazines and waiting for February sweeps. The Evil union is very strict about these things. Buffy doesn't want the Misses to get too excited about The First's remission, because (according to her) all it really means is that it's using the time to regroup and come back stronger than ever. "The odds are against us. Time is against us. And some of us will die in this battle. Decide now that it's not going to be you." After this little dose of doom, Buffy tries to sweeten the deal by telling them that really they're all "special," because "most people in this world have no idea why they're here…you have a mission, a reason for being here. You're here because you are the chosen ones." And with one little letter "s," they eradicate seven entire seasons of mythology. Chosen ONES? Since freakin' when? Buffy trots upstairs, reminding Dawn that she's going to be late for school. Dawn's lip trembles because all she'll ever be is a shiny-haired princess. The Action Monkeys peek at me from the top of the screen, offering their services, but I wave them back because I want to take up the Dawn-slapping myself this time. My weapon of choice? Words. Aw. Buck up, widdle Dawnie. You can be a chosen one too! I have chosen to make you the receptacle of all my hate and bitterness. I have chosen (to hate) you (unendingly). Feel better? I know I do.

Sunnydale High. Buffy is in her office and on the phone with Xander, whom she advises to lock the door of the bathroom when he showers. He wouldn't want to get sexually assaulted by the morally ambiguous vampire that emotionally manipulated him into screwing said vamp for an entire season, despite knowing that Xander was in no way in a mental place healthy enough to be making decisions like that. Oh. Maybe it's just that the Junior Misses have been peeking in to see what Xander's stake looks like. Millie approaches Buffy's desk. We recognize her as the girl from "Help" that was having a bit of a problem with a bully. Until she plowed his face into the asphalt, that is. And yes, I am aware that on this show Millie's name is Amanda, but she'll always be Millie to me. Millie sits as Buffy expositions to Xander that Giles is picking up another Junior Miss in Shanghai. And if she doesn't speak English, I'm declaring that an official shout-out to Sep's last recap. On to Millie's problem. She wants to know if people ever think that Buffy is weird. Eventually Buffy admits that they do. Millie feels that she is picked on because people see her as odd. But that's not her real problem. She's worried because there's a boy. And they pick on each other, but she isn't sure if he likes her or is just being an asshole. At that age, it's probably a little (or a lot) of both. Buffy tells her that "sometimes that's how people relate. Being mean to each other." But since Buffy CANNOT STAND talking about anyone's problems but her own, her "advice" quickly devolves into a thinly-veiled analysis of her own relationship with Spike which makes it appear that Buffy is Conflicted about the status of her defunct and abusive relationship with the undead, despite the fact that it ended with his attempt to rape her. Yay! Go feminism! Oh wait. It already has.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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