Buffy and Dawn follow Joyce out into the living room and AHHHH! My eyes! Ooops, sorry, I just saw the bottom of Buffy's outfit, which I can't even find the words to describe. It's a skirt, I suppose. Yes, we'll all sleep easier if we just classify it as a "skirt." The clothes weren't this bad in last week's episode, were they? Damn you, Ace! Anyway, Buffy says there are no school supplies at the magic shop, and Dawn quips, "Yeah Mom, I'm not going to Hogwarts!" Oh, okay -- heh. Buffy rolls her the stink-eye, Dawn tells her to "crack a book sometime," and they begin to bicker. My siblings are considerably older than I am, but my research suggests (okay. Ace told me) that this sort of behavior, although clichéd and trite, is rather realistic between siblings separated by four or five years. Joyce tells Buffy she needs her help and goes to answer the front door. It's Riley, who declares Joyce looks great. I'm really beginning to worry about this little lying problem Riley has developed. First he claims that the Initiative would have information on Dracula and now, even worse, he claims that Joyce's sartorial monstrosity is a "nice outfit." Buffy teases him for brown-nosing and he protests, "'I'm here to violate your first-born' never goes over with parents. I'm not sure why." He beams at Buffy and leans down to give her a kiss, and I start to experience a very strange feeling, a feeling I've never had before. It's -- it's hard to describe but it feels like -- well, it feels like thinking Riley is kinda cute and tall and sweet. Hey! What the hell is going on here? This must be an alternate universe or something. Well, I have a reputation to maintain, so I'll move on. Buffy and Riley smooch in the front hall and Dawn looks on and voice-overs, "Riley, my sister's boyfriend, is so into her. They're always kissing, and groping. I bet they've had sex!" She flicks a speculative eyebrow. Riley tears himself away from Buffy and greets Dawn: "Hey kid." Dawn protests that she's not a kid, but you know she really is, and she looks so genuinely fourteen years old that she's making the Buffster look about thirty. If all those stories we've heard about SMG are true, I'm surprised she let them cast a younger woman on the show. You know, there's only so much Maybelline can do for you. Buffy and Riley settle on the couch, where it's revealed that Riley thought they had plans to hang out but Buffy forgot. Riley is very relaxed about getting the brush-off in favor of "Slayer-shopping," but Buffy has to ruin the moment and attempt to hand him her spine by whining, "Are you mad at me?" Riley replies, "No, not at all. I'm plotting your death, but in a happy way." Ha! And I repeat, what the hell is going on here? What Buffyverse is this with its little sisters and appealing Rileys? Spooky. Riley and his Boyzone haircut depart.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Episode Report CardSep: D | 897 USERS: C+
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Buffy the Vampire Slayer