Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Real Me

Episode Report Card
Sep: D | 2 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
Real Me

Cut to Buffy in the kitchen cracking up over the fact that Harmony has minions. Chomp, chomp, chomp. There goes the kitchen cabinet! This is just a tragic reminder that scenery chewing can happen to anyone. Be prepared. I too find the concept of Harmony having minions laughable. Usually one has to have superior strength or intelligence, charisma, or even just a whole lot of money to get people to follow you. Harmony has none of those things. Pardon me while I try to work this out. Brad obviously wants to get in Harmony's tacky gold lamé pants. Peaches and Cyrus are a possibly gay couple, which might make them outcasts in vampire society -- those vamps can be such intolerant bastards, I tell ya. This leaves Mort who sort of looks like an adult Adam Rich hopped up on 'roids and growth hormone. And really, living as a soulless creature of the night is pretty much all that's left for most former child actors. Anyway, Xander tells Buffy that there's a more serious side to all of this, but when he reminds her that Harmony came to kill her, Buffy dissolves further into her eighth-grade-play giggles. Riley, also bursting with laughter, eggs her on by saying that Harmony's gang has killed before and that perhaps they should take her seriously. And why is Riley laughing, anyway? Has he even ever met Harmony? "Especially now she can enter your house anytime she wants," breaks in Anya. This stops Buffy cold. Xander explains that Harmony cadged an invitation. Buffy: "You guys can't invite her in. Only someone who lives here can..." Realization dawning (geddit?). "...where is she?" Xander, Riley, and Anya all try to convince Buffy to go easy on Dawn, but Buffy isn't having it and heads upstairs. You know Buffy's out of line when Anya is the voice of reason.

Harmony and her gang are walking home, defeated. Harmony is blathering on about how embarrassing it all is. "Who're you growling at?" asks Peaches of Cyrus. He says it's his stomach, and then starts complaining of low blood sugar. Well, now we know that hypoglycemia is a tragic disease that doesn't discriminate against the undead. Peaches suggests going and draining the census taker they have back at the lair (heh), but Brad says that he "wants some action." Boom! Brad hits the ground. "Happy to oblige," says Spike. "Step on up, kiddies. Thrashings for all." Peaches and Cyrus go for Spike, but Harmony calls them off. Spike looks surprised to see Harmony. They exchange greetings and then Big Ol' Mort demands to know why Harmony is talking to Spike. She starts to introduce them, but Mort cuts her off with, "I know who he is. He kills our kind." "Oh yeah," remembers Harmony. "What's up with that?" Spike tells Mort to "piss off," and Mort gets all growly. Harmony shoos him off and informs Spike that "some of us are thinking of voting him out of the gang." Because vampire gangs have long been a bastion of the democratic process. Spike expresses disdain at Harmony's fan club, and Harmony is very full of herself when she tells Spike that she's going to kill the Slayer. "Singing my song now, are you? You should pay me royalties for that one," retorts Spike. Harmony says that she's been doing research, "reading books and stuff." Spike: "What? Evil for Dummies?" Ha! Harmony is exactly their target market. The rest of the world has too much self-esteem to pick up a book that insults its consumer. Spike circles her and says that it's "adorable" that Harmony thinks she's the new "Big Bad." Harmony protests that she has a plan, but Spike quickly dismisses it as, "Let me guess. Snatch one of her friends. Use them as bait. Lead her into a trap. That sort of thing?" Harmony bluffs that her plan is "much, much better." Spike gives her a look and then tells her to "let [him] know how this arch-villain thing works out for you." To his retreating figure, Harmony yells, "I'll do that. And after Buffy's gone, I'm gonna kill everyone in this town that was ever mean to me. Spike!"

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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