Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Reptile Boy

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: C+ | 5 USERS: C
YOU GRADE IT
...or are you just happy to see me?

Xander starts to climb in a window near the entrance, but falls through. He gets to his feet in time to pluck a drink off a server's tray. He's wearing a dorky collared red polo shirt. Dude, dress the part. We see that the "waiters" are actually pledges, who are dressed in varying degrees of drag. No surprise there. I don't know much about how fraternities work, but I know a thing or two about frat boys, and let me tell you, after a number of drinks, many of them go gayer than Smallville. No one tours the Kinsey scale like a frat boy, folks. Instead of keeping to the shadows, or actually trying to find Buffy, Xander dorkily walks around, checks out some girls, and eats. Chasing after a food tray, he fails to see Buffy, who's still doing her best impression of a support beam. She ponders her drink, but sets it back down. Several couples slow dance. Across the room, Ram has his arm on Kurt's shoulder. Slow music of sexual awakenings plays. They cover by leering at Buffy. In front of them, an extremely handsome and well-dressed guy holds up a champagne glass, presumably offering it to Buffy. Call him over, you lunatic! He makes Angel look like he got a face transplant from a baboon! Sadly, she simply smiles and raises her drink to show him she already has one, and takes a sip. For some reason, Kurt at this moment starts whooping it up, calling, "New girl!" and tossing the GQ cover guy out of the way, and yee-ha-ing. Ram thinks, "Just one more beer and I'm going to tell him how I feel, the big lug." Kurt lurches toward Buffy. Buffy's eyes open wide, but she's suddenly and deftly rescued by Tom, who pulls her into another room. Where has he been all this time, and why wasn't Buffy looking for him?

In the other room, Buffy and Tom dance. Tom attempts more self-deprecation. He observes that Buffy doesn't look happy to be there. Dude, Kurt almost just steamrolled her. Give her a minute. Buffy says she shouldn't be there, as she has obligations, and people who depend on her. The rest of the scene's repetitive and boring. They keep dancing. Elsewhere, Xander is putting on a food "comedy" act for two girls. Despite the fact that they seem to be amused, this performance causes his picture to replace Judd Winick's next to "dork" in the dictionary. Richard observes this scene with contempt. I have to give credit; although we know he's evil, it's a reasonably subtle touch that Cordy isn't with him. Like she'd leave him alone for a minute if she were conscious! Kurt and Ram join Richard. Kurt: "Who's this dork?" Gay minds think alike. They quickly realize that they have a crasher on their hands. The three approach him. Kurt and Ram grab him and drag him off, shouting, "New pledge!" Any wonder those two are, er, handling the pledges?

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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