Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Ace: D | 12 USERS: A+

Outside in a sunny park, Xander approaches figures swinging on a swing set -- Giles and Spike in tweedy suits. Buffy plays in a sandbox nearby. Xander greets them, and Buffy brusquely asks, "Are you sure it's us you were looking for?" Giles swings and smirks. Spike tells Xander that Giles is going to teach him to be a watcher, and Giles confirms that "Spike is like a son" to him. "I was into that for awhile, but I got other stuff going on," replies Xander, looking towards an ice-cream truck across the park, where another Xander is serving ice cream. While Giles and Spike continue to swing, Xander muses that one should always be moving forward. He then looks concernedly at Buffy in the sandbox, and asks if she's sure she should be playing there. Buffy gives him a truculent look as the sandbox turns into an expanse of desert. Buffy replies that "it" isn't coming for her yet, and when Xander frets at her some more, she replies, "I'm way ahead of you, big brother." "Brother?" queries Xander and stares at Buffy. She stares back evenly. Behind Xander, Giles and Spike swing higher and higher. Giles calls out, "A watcher scoffs at gravity."

In the ice cream truck, Xander, in his uniform, stares out the window at the tableau of Spike and Giles swinging and the other Xander standing over Buffy in the sandbox. He then walks to the front of the truck where Anya is sitting in the passenger seat. The truck is moving along with no driver, and Xander sits behind the wheel. Anya asks him if he knows where he's going and then tells him she's been "thinking about getting back into vengeance." Xander isn't keen on the idea, so Anya sulks that he doesn't want her to have a hobby. He insists that vengeance is too dangerous and is interrupted by giggling from the back of the truck. He turns to see Willow and Tara in the back, skimpily dressed and heavily made up, hugging and rubbing noses. "Do you mind?" snaps Xander, "I'm talking to my demon." Actually, Xander, I think your demon is lack of ambition. Anya is just your pain-in-the-ass, unfunny girlfriend. The girls apologize and tell Xander they find him very interesting. Willow whispers in Tara's ear and strokes her thigh; Tara grins seductively. Xander can't take his eyes off them and isn't paying attention to driving the truck at all. "Watch this," says Willow as she leans in towards Tara. We see Xander's transfixed face and hear loud lip-smacking noises in the background. The camera stays on Xander's face for the duration of supposed kiss. I'm sure I don't have to tell you all how I annoyed I am about the coyness towards Willow and Tara's physical relationship. We had to spend an hour with a plot that revolved around Buffy/Riley sex, which included watching Buffy and Riley writhe and sweat for an inordinate amount of screen time, and then we get this invisible so-called kiss? Feh. The girls pull apart, and Tara invites Xander into the back of the truck. Only in your dreams, pizza boy. Anya tells him to go ahead; quasi-porno-exotica-adventure music starts playing. Anya tells Xander she "figured out how to steer by gesturing emphatically," and starts to do so in an annoying manner as Xander gets up and moves to the back of the truck. Once back there, he can't find Tara and Willow, and then he climbs up a pile of boxes and through a diminishing corridor.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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