Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Ace: D | 12 USERS: A+

We see Giles enter, and at the sight of a sobbing Olivia (who appears to be chained to something), he says, "Don't push me around. You know I have a great deal to do." The scene changes to black and white as the camera focuses on Spike, who is surrounded by people with cameras. He tells Giles that he's "hired [himself] out as an attraction," and strikes a pose that Madonna would be proud of. Giles seems bewildered, and between poses Spike tells him, "You've got to make up your mind, Rupes. What are you wasting time for?" Giles mutters that in his opinion Buffy should have staked Spike. Cheese guy is back, this time with slices of American on his bald head. "I wear the cheese, it does not wear me," he prissily informs Giles, and then strides off. Giles walks into another room and he's in the Bronze. Willow and Xander are sitting on the couch poring over some books. He apologizes for being late, and Willow points out Xander's "sucking chest wound." Xander worries that he's going to die and won't be able to support Anya on her big night. Onstage a spot-lit Anya steps up to the mike and starts the tried-and-true "A man walks into a . . ." spiel. She immediately fumbles the joke and starts thumbing through her notes as someone from the audience, who is not me but should have been, tells her that she sucks. Annoyed but unfazed, she tells him to shush or he'll "miss the humorous conclusion." I doubt it. Willow tells Giles that all of this is his fault but he again reiterates how busy he is. It's not as if I didn't know this before, but all the mentions of how much Giles has to do really clinches the fact that Giles is operating in a dream world. Willow explains that there is some sort of primal force at work.

Onstage, Anya winds up to her "humorous," conclusion and everyone laughs but Willow, who is still all business. She reminds Giles to focus and then the most glorious thing happens. Giles breaks into a song, hereafter known as "The Exposition Song." A piano tinkles as Giles sings, "Strange. It's not like anything we've faced before. It seems familiar somehow." He climbs up onto stage, walks over to the mic, and grabs it with real stage presence as the drums kick in. "Of course. The spell we cast with Buffy must have released some primal evil that's come back seeking, I'm not sure what. Willow, look through the chronicles." In the audience, Willow doesn't react at all to Giles's singing and reaches for a book on the nearby table. I'd like to say that the spiky-haired short kid on guitar in the background is so NOT Oz, no matter how much gel he's wearing. Couldn't they have just had the real Oz do a scene since he was already there to film anyway? At this point my boyfriend, who's sitting on the living room floor surrounded by a dismembered computer, says, "How embarrassing. Could they stoop any lower?" Now you know why he's no longer allowed to watch Buffy with me on Tuesday nights. "For some reference to a warrior beast," continues Giles. He grabs the microphone and dips it in front of him as he kicks it into high gear in true Rock Ballad fashion. "I've got to warn Buffy there's every chance she might be next. Xander and Willow --" In the audience, Willow is nonchalantly holding up a lit lighter. Hee! "-- try not to bleed on my couch I just had it steamed. No, wait," he trails off, as there's a loud feedback noise. Giles seems distracted by the mic cable and follows it back behind stage on his hands and knees. Whoa. Giles wears Skechers? He is having a mid-life crisis. He comes to a tangle of sound cable, and from the middle he picks up a pocket watch. He mutters something about it being "obvious" and knows what it is and how to defeat it. I'm not sure, he's talking very low. During all of this, we see shots of the primal creature behind Giles, who is oblivious to its presence. Giles continues on, "With my intellect. I can cripple you with my thoughts. Of course, you underestimate me. You couldn't know. You never had a watcher." As he's saying this, the creature has drawn its knife out and runs it across Giles's forehead. As blood runs down his face, we're suddenly back in Buffy's living room, seeing Giles sprawled over his chair. The hand holding his glasses trembles violently and they drop to the floor. How the hell is Giles able to hold stuff while he sleeps? I can't do that.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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