Buffy the Vampire Slayer
School Hard

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: A | 10 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
...With A Vengeance

Bronze. Xander dances in the background as Buffy translates a sentence into French. It's hard to say which effort is the more tragic. And considering that Buffy's translation ended up meaning, "The cow should touch me from Thursday," I think you get the idea that Xander isn't exactly in line to succeed Baryshnikov. Buffy: "Je stink." Heh. Actually, I guess that's "Je stinke." Xander comes up and convinces them to take a break and dance. As they go, we see Spike slowly step out of the shadows. He watches Buffy for a little while, then tells Yakula to "go get something to eat." Advice Yakula often followed as a human, I'm guessing. Spike walks to within earshot of the Scoobs, and loudly says that some big guy is trying to bite someone outside. Buffy runs out to the alley, where Yakula is about to take a break from talking and bite some girl. Buffy pulls him off. He smiles, "Slayer." She smiles, "Slayee." Hee. Gauntlets thrown, they fight. Yakula's a decent fighter, but not nearly good enough to justify his trash-talking. Willow and Xander appear. Buffy yells to them to get the girl to safety, and also that a stake would be nice. Spike watches from a discreet distance. Inside, Xander goes through Buffy's purse. He finds a yo-yo, which is a nice bit of continuity from "Some Assembly Required," then a tampon, which he hilariously throws up in the air like a hot potato when he realizes what it is, and finally a stake. He runs back out. Yakula manages to throw Buffy to the ground, but takes the time to gab some more. Buffy thankfully kicks him in the face and gets to her feet. Yakula tells Spike to give him a hand, addressing him by name, and goes at Buffy again. But Xander chucks the stake to Buffy, and she quickly stakes Yakula. Huzzah! Yakula belatedly gets the hand he asked for as Spike starts clapping. The show used to be so good -- I just know they did that purposely. The Scoobs regard him warily as he compliments Buffy's work. She asks who he is, and he tells her she'll find out on Saturday. What happens on Saturday? "I kill you." He withdraws. Hey, come back here and say that! Buffy looks wigged.

Sheila comes out of the Bronze, flanked by two guys. She seems to think she's hitting on them, but considering that they're dressed like they're en route to a gay porn shoot, I think she's wasting her time. The fact that their names are apparently "Dwayne" and "Dell" isn't doing much to sway my opinion. She blathers about how they said they have a Cadillac (did they buy it together?) and teenages that she's "crazy about a Cad." Whatever, Rayanne Graff. The camera pans left to block Gay Porn Star #1 out, then pans back to show that he's gone. Sheila smarms, "Where'd you go?" When she looks back, Gay Porn Star #2 is gone as well. No longer amused, she looks around, and bumps into Spike. She asks who he is. "Who do you want me to be?" I can think of a number of possibilities. She asks if he saw -- he cuts in, "Those two losers who thought they were good enough for you?" You can practically hear her melting onto the alley. Unless that was me. She asks what happened to them, and he says they got sleepy. "And you got something a whole lot better." He walks off, and she follows, calling, "Hey! What's your name?" As the camera follows her, we see the two guys lying on the ground, dead or unconscious. They're positioned head-to-toe. Coincidence?

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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