Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Seeing Red

Episode Report Card
Sep: B | 1 USERS: B+
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Seeing Red

Later, Buffy (now dressed), Willow, and Tara sit at the dining room table; Xander stands nearby, holding an ice pack to his face. Willow and Tara say they've deciphered everything except some hand-lettered documents on parchment. Xander then identifies them as love poems written in Klingon. Whatever. After Buffy being sexually assaulted and Warren brutally murdering Katrina and beating the crap out of four people just a few minutes ago, I'm just not in the mood for more cheap "nerds lurve Star Trek" jokes. Moving on. The CD that Buffy saved from the Lair of Dim was full of "blueprints and schematics" to things like "banks, armored car routes, [and] corporate vaults." The Scoobies deduce that the Stooges are going on a major crime spree. Buffy's worried that she can't watch all the possible targets at once, but Willow assures her that they've identified one target that will be attacked tonight. Xander warns Buffy of Warren's new "Mighty Mouse" strength.

Spike slams into his crypt. He looks pained and angry as he recalls attacking Buffy in the bathroom and the way she begged him to stop. He grabs his bottle of vodka and downs a glassful. As he again recalls himself telling Buffy, "I'm gonna make you feel it," his fist closes and smashes the glass he's holding. He looks surprised and then shakes out the glass shards. Just then, Clem comes in the open door, holding a paper bucket and saying he just dropped by with hot wings to watch a Knight Rider marathon. Spike's all angsty, though, and just mutters, "What've I done?" He then looks confused and continues, "Why didn't I do it?" More labored thinking before he groans, "What has she done to me?" And that's the point, folks, when I realized there was just one more iota that I could add to my dislike of Spike. I thought my contempt for him was complete long before this episode, only enforced by his attempt to rape Buffy into loving him. But then here he is, telling himself that all this is something she's "done" to him, and I do actually manage to hate him more than I did a few seconds ago. Clem wonders who Spike is going on about and then figures it out, asking, "Oh, the Slayer, huh? Got it. Did she break up with you again?" Spike sulks that he and Buffy were "never together. She'd never lower herself that far." Well, maybe you could rape her into it, Spike. Oh, wait. You already tried that and it didn't work. Clem says the Slayer is a nice girl, but "hey, issues." He tells a little story about a cousin of his who was "resurrected by some kooky shaman" and turned out a mess, and I normally love Clem, but I wish he would shut up and go away so Spike can get on with the business of lying out in the grass until sunrise gives him a charcoal tan, or chopping off his own head, or wedging a stake in the doorframe and running at it full tilt, or dousing himself with the remainder of that vodka and juggling some lit matches. Because he's going to finally do something noble and simply remove himself from the show now, right? Wrong? Sigh. You're right, he's not. He's just going to whine about himself some more. Me, me, me, me, me. That's your problem right there, buddy. Spike asks Clem, "Why do I feel this way?" And just let the record show that it is not at all clear what "way" he's talking about. The love? The need? The obsession? The supposed regret that didn't seem to last long? The pain in his hand from crushing glass? The pangs of hunger brought on by the aroma of delicious hot wings? He doesn't specify. Clem says that love's a funny thing, and Spike wonders, "Is that what this is?" No. No, it's not, you sick bastard. Spike then blithers on about the chip "squirming in [his] head." Clem suggests a wet cloth, but Spike's not done bitching. He says things used to be clear, because Slayers were his enemies. He killed them. But things changed with Buffy, which he blames on the chip, all "steel and wires and silicon." Except he pronounces it "silicone." No, no, Spike. Chips are made of silicon. Silicone is what your pec implants are made of. He continues, re: the chip, "It won't let me be a monster and I can't be a man." Why don't you try being a pile of dust, then? You haven't tried that yet; I'll bet it's a good look for you. "I'm nothing," he concludes. Well, finally we agree! Clem tries to cheer Spike up by telling him that things change.

Amusement park. Banner that reads "Opening Night." The park is empty except for some guys loading money bags into an armored car. The armored car guys attempt to drive away, but Warren is holding the back wheels off the ground. He pushes the car up and then tips it over. Andrew and Jonathan are watching. Andrew "can't wait to get [his] hands on" Warren's orbs, but Jonathan is skeptical that they'll be getting the chance. Warren yanks the door off the back of the car but stops when Buffy shows up, quips ready. She jumps down on him, but he easily tosses her aside. Warren calls her "super-bitch," and Buffy points out he "has a problem with strong women." Because we didn't all figure that out in Warren's first appearance on the show last season when he built himself a sad sexbot. Or when he abducted, humiliated, and killed Katrina. Nope, we're stupid and can't be trusted to see things ourselves. Instead, they must be explicitly spelled out in the text. They fight, and Buffy isn't doing too well at first, but she does manage to smack Warren aside using the armored car door. He slams into a stone gateway and then stands under it, taunting her until the whole thing falls down on his head. Andrew's all anguished until he realizes that Warren is digging himself out of the rubble and is ready to rumble. Then Warren actually says, "Oh, wasa mattah, baby? You nevah fight a real man befoah?" He really, really does say it that way. I don't get that. Warren never talked that way in previous episodes. He tried to be all Rat Pack cool, not I'm Gonna Git You Sucka.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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