Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card

Throwaway scene with Dawn and Tara, in which Dawn blatantly attempts to get Tara back together with Willow by manipulating her into staying until someone responsible comes home. Which could be a while, since the last responsible person to live there moved out last week.

Bronze. Band. Close-up of Willow and Amy playing pool. Willow fills Amy in on the Xanya engagement. The camera pulls back to show that Willow and Amy are playing sans stick. Uh. That's not really as dirty as it sounds. They're playing pool, but using magic instead of pool cues. What a waste of magic, if you ask me. More than half the fun of playing pool is chalking up the cue and leaving little piles of blue dust on the rails so that your opponent unknowingly ends up with blue chalk dust all over him- or herself by the end of the night. Hey, my depth perception is pretty terrible. I have to make my own fun. A couple of guys come up. One of them looks like he's Matthew Perry's younger, less-addicted-to-prescription-painkillers, non-hit-show-having brother. The other guy whispers into Amy's ear, and she tells Willow that she's going to dance with the boys. Willow really isn't interested in joining her, but Amy wants to make sure that her friend is having a good time, so she snaps her fingers and a leggy brunette leaves her date at the bar and makes her way towards Willow. The brunette introduces herself, but Willow is a stuttering, sputtering nervous wreck. She makes little "make it go away" expressions at Amy until Amy snaps her fingers again to break the spell. Bree looks confused and wanders back to her date, who looks pissed.

Fade up on Willow talking to her martini at the bar. So is she of age now? Maybe she conjured a fake ID? Or maybe she conjured the damn drink in the first place. Whatever. Amy runs up, drains Will's drink, and apologizes for being gone so long. Her boys arrive a second later. They want some more dancin'. Amy's not really interested, and when she refuses, one of them gets inappropriately grabby with her. Willow warns him to back off, but Thing Two says, "Nobody asked you, Ellen." Thing One and Thing Two laugh amongst themselves. Because he just called Willow a lesbian. And lesbians are funny. Because they're women who love other women. And that's funny, see? Geddit? Yeah. Me neither. Amy and Willow share a look. "You wanna dance?" suggests Amy. Willow and Amy wave their hands, and the boys are magically stripped down to their Underoos and dancing in cages above the stage.

Der Zauber Kasten. Buffy, Anya, and Xander are researching the recent jewelry heist. Xander has a moment. He gets excited thinking that he's discovered the Monster of the Week, but Anya gently points out that he's been searching in a D&D manual. Three things: 1) Heh. 2) That ain't the Monster Manual. 3) At least Xander's on the right track. Give him a little more time and he just might figure it out. Anya gives up in frustration: "There's no such thing as a frost monster who eats diamonds!" Buffy counters that "maybe he doesn't eat them. Maybe he just…[beat]…thinks they're pretty." Get with the program, Buffy. Glory was last season. I am highly amused at how inept the gang is at coping with the DC Comics bubble that has invaded their universe. They're really floundering without Giles. Xander suggests that it's time to call in the big brains and wonders where Willow has gotten herself to. When he hears that she's out with Amy, Xander gets all concerned that she's found another person to enable her in her quest for magic. Buffy half-heartedly defends Willow, but Xander reminds Buffy of the real reason that Tara left Willow. Buffy says that she has faith in the power of Willow's level head to guide her through. Huh. Not to belabor the point, but I'm still wondering if anyone told Buffy that Willow was the source of the wacky hijinks last week? I can't imagine that Buffy would be handing Willow a Get Out Of Jail Free card after that escapade. Anya chirps that the responsible ones are the ones that you have to watch out for, because once they get a taste of the dark side, they tend to go overboard. Buffy vehemently protests, obviously thinking of herself and Spike. Xander: "It's gotta be seductive. Just getting into it. Going totally wild." Buffy looks troubled. Just then, they're interrupted by the ringing of a phone. As Buffy crosses the room to answer it, I see that they've paired her filmy lace top with a black leather maxi skirt. For when you're on the run and need an outfit that can go from wandering the misty moors straight to a biker bar, I guess. She picks up the receiver to hear a low, rumbling voice. "Slayer. Meet me in the cemetery. Twenty minutes. Come alone." "Spike?" queries Buffy. Spike is forced to drop the act and admit that it's him. Buffy loudly says, "You have a lead on this frost monster?" for the benefit of her friends and to give them the impression that this is a business call. Spike wonders if she's "up for a little grunt work" of the demon-hunting variety. She, predictably, misunderstands him. Spike calls her on having her mind in the gutter, and she hangs up on him in disgust. Buffy? If you keep up with those Freudian slips, you're going to have yourself a whole outfit before too long.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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