Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Some Assembly Required

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B- | 5 USERS: B-
...Lots Of Screaming Optional

Cut to a full-screen shot of a sign advertising the sign-up desk for the science fair. I'm not blind, camera people. Of course, I haven't seen what Cordelia's wearing yet, so let's just see how things play out. The camera pans across a hopelessly stereotypical science geek-type to rest on Willow, who's marking something down on a clipboard. Some kid who looks vaguely like the dead-badger hair (tm Sars) kid from "Nightmares," except a few years older and with awful chin pubes and a pink Hawaiian shirt, comes up to her and snaps a picture. He then checks out some girl: "Look at those legs." Willow: "No, thank you." Irony snickers and makes me shotgun a beer. Not that I needed much convincing, the way this episode is going so far. Eric snaps some photos of some random girl. A dude with dark red hair tells dead-badger kid, who's called Eric, to chill. I can already tell that no amount of Valium is going to make that happen. Eric stops clicking, possibly realizing that only photos of women featured in the opening credits are going to be of use in this episode. Willow greets dark red-haired kid, whose name is Chris. He's vaguely cute and vaguely simian-looking at the same time. Interesting. Willow banters a bit with him about how she always comes in second to him in the science fair. He's got quite a build for someone who's supposed to be a science geek. I know his brother's a football player and all, but still. He also pronounces "experiment" ex-PEER-a-ment, which is annoying. Chris advises Willow that if the teacher doesn't understand the ex-PEER-a-ment, he gives it higher marks. I think I've tried that. The results were less than successful, probably because I didn't understand it either.

Cordy appears on the scene, signs up, and bitches that participation in the fair is now mandatory. "I don't think anyone should have to do anything educational in school if they don't want to." No, dear, you're thinking of college. Willow peers at her topic. "The tomato: fruit or vegetable?" Cordy: "I wanted to do something I could finish in a weekend, all right?" Hee. Eric takes her picture, but she bitches at him for doing so under fluorescent lights. He assures her that it's for his "private collection." While the sentiment is "ew"-worthy, I kind of like this kid. He's got way more personality than most one-offs, and since deranged sociopaths don't even merit an eyebrow-raise on this show, I'm not going to hold that against him. Buffy approaches, and Eric takes her picture as well. Buffy tells Willow that the "Bat signal" has appeared. Nice idea to keep your secret identity intact by referencing an actual superhero, Buffy. Maybe you and Helena should hang out. Buffy and Willow walk off. Cordy looks at Eric, and he raises his eyebrows lasciviously at her. Hee. Disgusted, she walks off. Eric smarms to Chris that Cordy is perfect for them. Chris tells him not to be stupid, as she's alive. Sinister plot development, or biting commentary on how these two couldn't attract a girl who's breathing? To quote that random island woman in Trading Places, can't we have both?

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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