Giles is putting drops in his eyes as Buffy and Spike burst through the door without knocking. They're still bickering. Spike posits that Buffy doesn't "have the stones" to dispatch him. Buffy looks him in the eye and calls out, "Giiiiles, I accidentally killed Spike. That's okay, right?" They bicker some more.
Cut to Xander's Basement of Debasement. Willow obviously hasn't changed out of her complainy pants yet, because she's pacing and whining to Xander about Buffy. Xander tries to reason with her: "It's not like she could just let Spike go."
Cut to Spike and Buffy bickering some more.
Willow complains some more to Xander. I normally don't mention Xander's clothes, but this particular shirt is just odd. It's a white shirt with orange sleeves and some sort of flower decal on it that looks like chamomile. Is Xander's new job coaching the Bigelow Bears Little League team or something? Xander, in his role as the voice of reason for this episode, says, "Buffy's gotta find out what's up with those Commandos. Right now she needs Spike." "Well, fine," snipes Willow, "Why doesn't she just go marry him?"
Giles comes out of the living room with a frustrated plea for Buffy and Spike to remain civil, but to his surprise he finds Buffy sitting on a chair with Spike before her on bended knee, proposing. Buffy accepts his proposals as romantic soap-opera music wails. They both rise and start making out. Oh man, I can already tell that I'm going to so love this.
Willow complains to Xander some more. Xander talks sense some more. Willow's whiny act starts to tick me off. Willow thinks that all relationships are "doomed." Xander disagrees; Willow lists all the demons he's been involved with (and she forgot Cordelia, who might not technically be a demon, but I still think she counts) and pronounces him a "demon magnet." Xander looks hurt and informs Willow that he "was just trying to help."
Giles is standing in his depressing little kitchen, attempting to ring Willow. He rubs his eyes and looks worried as he leaves a message explaining that he can't see very well, and he's sure it's the result of a spell since "it seems that something else is going wrong." We see Buffy handing Spike a mug of blood. She then climbs into his lap and they begin smooching. Giles peers at them from the kitchen, then finishes his message: "Horribly wrong." Buffy starts in on the wedding plans and Spike declines a church wedding. Buffy suggests a daytime ceremony outside in a park, but Spike again declines, gritting out, "A warm spring breeze tosses the leaves aside, and again you're registering as 'Mr. and Mrs. Big Pile of Dust.'" Buffy protests that Spike is being too jokey about their important day, and she pouts out her lower lip while Giles sits on the sofa nearby with a drink. Spike notices Buffy's pouty lip and they begin kissing. Loud smacky noises ensue. Buffy extends her arm, asking if Giles has seen her ring; he expresses disgust and leans back, rubbing his eyes. Buffy gets off Spike's lap and comes to sit next to Giles and quite sweetly asks him, as her "real family," to give her away. Giles is touched and reacts very emotionally until he recalls who Buffy plans to marry, and he exclaims, "This is nonsense!" Yes, it is, Giles, but it's fun nonsense, and Buffy and Spike have more sexual chemistry than just about any other couple ever portrayed on this show, so don't rain on our parade, huh? Buffy turns to smile at Spike, who tells her Giles will need time to get used to their plans. Buffy mentions that her friends didn't like Angel at first either, and Spike gets angry at hearing the big poof's name. They argue about their vampire ex-sweeties, Angel and Drusilla, and Buffy heatedly asks if Spike thinks she's "not wondering if you're gonna be thinking of [Drusilla] on our honeymoon, when you're making sweet love to me." Spike and Buffy begin to lock lips again, but are interrupted by Giles knocking over his drink. He tells them that he is now totally blind. Spike jumps up to find a reversal spell in one of Giles's books, and when Giles is surprised that Spike would help him, Spike explains that Giles is "almost" his father-in-law. As Buffy prepares to go to the magic shop, she tells Giles he'll be fine alone with Spike because they're all family now. Spike and Buffy start tongue-wrangling again, and Giles miserably says, "It's all right -- I have more scotch," as he feels his way into the kitchen.
Buffy exits the magic store but is entranced by a store-window mannequin in a wedding dress. Fairy-tale music plays as she peers into the shop window, but the fairy tale must be an original unsanitized Grimm's version with all the bad parts left in, because Riley chooses this moment to appear on the scene. Buffy reverently shows him the dresses. He makes a lame joke about them being too dressy for school, and hold on to your seats, kids, because we now enter the Magical-Comical Misunderstanding portion of the show. Buffy starts talking about how she really does like Riley and hopes he can be there on "The Day." When he asks what day, she excitedly tells him that she's getting married. Riley looks mildly confounded, perhaps distracted by trying to catch a glimpse of Buffy around his lumpy nose. Buffy goes on about her fiancé being someone she fought with for years and then looked at and "just knew," and as she blathers on, Riley becomes more and more agitated. Buffy chirps, "You'll really like him. Well -- nobody really likes him. I don't even really like him, but I love him." Riley wants to know the groom's name and Buffy answers, "Spike!" and then worries that Riley is mad at her. Riley inquires if Spike attends UC Sunnydale, and Buffy ditzily says, "Oh, no. He's totally old. Well, not as old as my last boyfriend was." Riley wussily makes his exit, his tail between his legs. Buffy stands and looks pouty, then whines, "They're ruining my happy day."