Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Ace: B- | 1966 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Put that in your pantheon

When Andrew gestures to the Seal of Danzig, he says, "Due to some circumstances it got opened up a little bit recently." Man, he even lies when he's all alone. Of course, to be fair (because I'm all about the fair, ha!), it was the bleeding of Spike, not Jonathan, that actually opened the Seal. Andrew points to the drawing of Notsferatu leaping out of the Seal/Hellmouth and continues, "This nasty, nasty vampire thing came out of it. It was just awful." Well, that's no way to talk about the hard work of the costume and stunt people, Andrew. He continues on with his orientation. See the First. Bad, First, bad. The First is too stupid to live, so it's a good thing it's incorporeal, right? Can you say "too stupid to live," class? Good job. Andrew is nearing the end of his tour through the pointlessness that is Season Seven by introducing the Bringers: "We don't know much about them except they're very ugly and…they're very mobile for blind people." Okay, heh. That cracked me up. Dammit.

Andrew is in the kitchen along with a jumble of Junior Misses, Willow, and Xander. Rona gripes about low-fat milk, Willow and Kennedy pour cereal, and Millie does something strange with a paper towel and a spoon. We switch back and forth between the Nerd Cam and the normal camera. Andrew focuses in on Xander and says they'll be filming a special piece on Xander later, "the man who is the heart of the Slayer machine." Xander looks extraordinarily pleased and smiles, and I'm smiling along with him until I catch sight of the chewed cereal in his mouth. Ew, that's a little too Method for me. Andrew cruises through the kitchen, narrating about the air being "filled with foreboding," but is interrupted by Dawn reminding Anya that they're out of raisin bran. Actually, that would fill me with foreboding too. Gotta have my raisin bran in the morning. Starts the day off right. Well, gotta have my raisin bran and my coffee. But the coffee is more of an addiction thing and we all know that leads to flaying and phallic-temple-raising, so I don't like to discuss it. Hey, I had that first cup of French Market a few years ago and then I got addicted, the way addicts do. Maybe it was the chicory? I've heard some call it the devil's weed. Anyway, so I have my dark coffee addiction, but once I get around to going all murdery I'm sure there's a shiny redemption arc in my future. I've made sure not to sleep with any Slayers, though, because I want the redemption arc with horsies and duster-wearing Giles in England rather than the one with odiferous craziness, basement dwelling, and torture. ["Hey, we re-carpeted your office at TWoP Towers after that obelisk poked through the floor and got you your own French press. Don't get greedy." -- Sars]

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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