Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Ace: C+ | 2 USERS: B+
Put that in your pantheon

As I'm recapping, Ash wanders into the room, declares, "Spike is my baby daddy!" and walks back out again. And I thought I was the only one suffering the adverse affects of four years of recapping. Poor guy; my TWoP coverage for post-traumatic recapping syndrome doesn't extend to him.

Upstairs, Anya wants to know if Xander still loves her. Xander replies that Anya was the one who wanted them to stop seeing each other. Anya's irritated comeback is, "And here's where we jump on the merry-go-round of rotation knives. I blame you and you blame me and we both end up all cut to shreds." Aw, that's kinda poetic. In a sad way. Xander stares at her, and she demands, "Do you still love me?" His answer is yes. "I always will. I just don't know if that means anything for us anymore." Anya says she loves him too. As Xander says, "I'm not going to find anyone out there like you, am I?" we see that Andrew has left behind his camera to film this exchange. Or he's snuck up from the basement with it, I guess, since that's where we last saw him. Anya doesn't think Xander will find anyone like her, and assures him, "There's no one like you, Xander. You were willing to stand up to danger even when your hands had no weapons." And then we see Andrew holding the camera, playing this scene back, and mouthing along to all of Anya's romantic dialogue. She continues, "You were ready to protect me with your life." Xander says they fit together "pretty good," and Anya responds, "We fit together great." Andrew keeps mouthing along as Anya tells Xander, "I hope you know you never left my heart." Andrew chokes back tears and rewinds his tape to watch the scene again, but Buffy bursts into the house with Wood in tow. They tell him that "the school is out of control with the energy from the Hellmouth" and it's time for Andrew to provide some help in getting rid of the Seal. Andrew protests about his video project, but Buffy tells him, "No more watching."

Five high school kids zombie into the room that contains the Seal. They form a circle around it and kneel. As they raise their arms up and begin chanting, the Seal glows with bright light.

We return from commercial to a flashback to last year "somewhere in Mexico" See? I TOLD you the writers don't know what they're doing. It's their story, and they can't even pick the name of a Mexican village out of a hat. And then throw it down and do a little dance around it. We pan across to find Andrew and Jonathan squirming in bed. From bad dreams! And not the kind of bad dreams that entail sex with Andrew! We're treated to quick blitz of scenes from the nightmare they've been having which consist of a bunch of shots of the übervamp and the Seal and the Junior Misses dying and, for some reason, the cheese man from "Restless." They jolt awake all sweaty and shiny. From the bad dreams!

Andrew refers to them as fugitives haunted by their past. Jonathan doesn't think he really deserves nightmares in languages he doesn't understand, because he "wasn't even that evil." Andrew reassures Jonathan that he always found him to be evil and thought that he "had good follow-through." Jonathan is oddly comforted and touched by that, proving that maybe he was more evil than I thought. I guess. I don't know. I can't figure out who is and who isn't evil anymore. Somehow, somewhere along the line on this show, evil stopped being about how many people you killed or attempted to kill in cold blood. I haven't figured out what the new yardstick of evil is. Or, as I suspect, there isn't one. Hey, maybe the First just needs a hug! The Scooby gang should invite it over for dinner, have sex with it, and let it wander around the house unattended for awhile. Before you know it, that pesky old First will see the error of its evil ways and start striving for redemption! Throw in some horsies and torture, and we have a perfect Buffy spin-off. A story of redemption for years of evil, featuring a lead character who can look like a different dead person each week. It's Quantum Leap meets Xena: Warrior Princess! The episode where the First as Marilyn Monroe (guest star Julia Stiles) learns that wearing a bikini and cavorting on the beach can do wonders for a newly-gained soul is sure to be a ratings-grabber!

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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