Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Tabula Rasa

Episode Report Card
Ace: B | 12 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
The Blankest Slate

Alex and Tara help Umad and Willow down a ladder into the sewers. Tara steadies Willow and they share a touch that goes on a tad too long. The abbreviated gang walk down the fairly well-lit sewers with Umad singing. They're quickly intercepted by a vamp who really can't be blamed for wanting to kill them because getting that damn "Ants Go Marching" song stuck in one's head is reason enough for me. The four forgetful Scoobies scream back to the sewer exit.

In the shop, Enya and Rupert flip through various books in an effort to find something that will cast light on their current situation. Rupert fumbles for a handkerchief to deal with a particularly dusty book, but instead finds a plane ticket showing that he's soon headed to London. This is news to him. Enya, unaware, natters on about how lovely it is that they get to work together. She picks up a book and marches over to him announcing, "This is the book for us," as Rupert hurriedly hides his ticket. Rupert asks whether it deals with mind control. Enya breezes that she's going on intuition with this one since she's a "natural with the supernatural." Rupert brushes a stray lock of hair behind her ear with a wide smile as he reminds her that he, too, is also part owner of the shop. Enya pronounces him "more of a paperwork type." She opens the book to a random page and says some gibberish aloud. A bunny appears. She claps her hand over her mouth to stifle her scream and cowers behind Rupert. All this goes to show you is that you can't trust Anya's perception of the world in this dimension, any alternate universe, or even when she's had her entire perception of the world altered. "Anya is a dolt" is now an immutable law of the universe.

Randy runs after Joan. Catching up to her, he puts his hand on her, all the better for Joan to flip him over her shoulder and onto someone's front lawn. She straddles him, holding him down. "What are you doing?" Randy demands. Joan tells him that he's a vampire. Randy doesn't believe it at first, but Joan tells him to do a bump and teeth check. C'mon, like the lisping wouldn't give it away. I know that's the first thing I always think when I mistakenly lisp a word -- that I've somehow been turned in my sleep. I never carry a mirror or anything (not being one of those girly-girls), so I just grab the nearest bystander and try to drink his or her blood. I usually discover that it's nothing more than the usual mispronunciation, but it's a real icebreaker! Randy gingerly feels his forehead, but decides that since he hasn't tried to bite anyone and is actually fighting other vampires, he must be a "noble vampire." He continues: "A good guy on a mission of redemption. I help the hopeless. I'm a vampire with a soul." Right. Fighting back against the bad guys who are trying to kill you automatically makes you a good guy and not, say, someone protecting his own ass. Joan scoffs, "A vampire with a soul? Oh my God, how lame is that?" I sigh and roll my eyes as everything gets just a little too meta for me.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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