Bio. Miss Wildenstein is writing on the board. As Buffy and Willow walk in, Buffy spots Dr. Gregory's glasses on the floor. She examines them and wonders aloud why he wouldn't have picked them up. Willow shrugs, and Buffy carefully places the glasses on a table. Class begins. Miss Wildenstein introduces herself as Natalie French, and does her substitute teacher shtick. Buffy asks when Dr. Gregory is coming back, but Miss French doesn't know. Unfunny pun from Blayne intended to reinforce his sleaziness, and then we open our books to page 81 of The Anvils For Learning Science Series: Vol. III and read about the life, laughs, and loves of the praying mantis. "Noble, solitary, and prolific," praying mantises live alone because "they're cannibals," and the female is almost always larger and more aggressive than the male. That bit of wisdom, delivered in rhapsodic tones by Miss French, prompts another unfunny from Blayne before Miss F says that the California mantis lays eggs, then finds a mate to fertilize them. During that last bit, she's giving Xander the eye; Xander is hypnotized by her gigantic cheekbones. Okay, show of hands -- does everyone see where this is going? Yeah, I thought so, and it's why I've never liked "Teacher's Pet." Everything is telegraphed so far in advance that you know the whole plot twelve minutes in, and with some Buffy episodes, the journey is the destination, but Xander Thinks With His Dick And Screws Upville isn't a trip I want to go on, to tell you the truth.
Anyway, blah blah blah, Miss F asks for help making "model egg sacs" (ew) for the science fair after school, and every male in the class raises his hand. Buffy looks perturbed.
Lunch line. Tired joking about Hot-Dog Surprise; weak posturing by Xander regarding what Miss French sees in him and the older woman/younger man thing. Buffy busts on him for his desperation, then implies that Miss French has Had Some Work Done. Xander defends himself, if you can call it that. Cue Blayne cutting into the lunch line to hassle Xander about how Blayne gets a private tutoring session with Miss French before Xander does, like, we GET IT, okay? So, Blayne "natural selection" blah, Xander "rehearsal" blah, Buffy whatever, and then Buffy almost collides with Cordelia "Giving" Chase, who's barging through to retrieve her "medically prescribed lunch." Oh, all right. Hee. Cordy breezes past the lunch lady, snarking the whole time, and whips open a freezer door to find Dr. Gregory's headless body stashed inside. She screams and babbles "where's his head, where's his head" repeatedly, and the other three dash over to take a look. Cut to a freezer-cam shot lasting approximately a year and a half in which Buffy, Xander, Willow, and Cordy mug and look sickened at the sight, followed by a shot of Dr. Gregory's name stitched on his lab coat.