Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Ted

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B- | 4 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Come And Knock On Her Door

Giles and the vamp continue to wrestle, the vamp with his back to us. Miss Calendar, with an expression on her face that looks like she thinks she's landed a part in The Quick And The Dead, sasses the vamp, then shoots. Right before she does, though, the vamp swings around, and the bolt hits Giles instead. Miss Calendar is horrified, but does have the presence of mind to try to reload the crossbow. The vamp, not having learned from Miss Calendar's example that taunting your prey doesn't lead to a happy ending, sarcastically compliments her aim. Giles pulls the bolt out of his back and dusts him. Nobody likes a wise-ass. That's why staff meetings at TWoP Towers can be such acrimonious affairs. If it weren't for liquor, we'd never agree on anything. Of course, the day's not going to be the most productive when thirty people finish six bottles of vodka by eleven in the morning, but it does lead to some entertaining recaps. Besides, how else are we supposed to get through shows like Are You Hot? and Fraternity Life?

Ted continues throttling Buffy, who looks around desperately. She reaches out and grabs what looks like a small metal nail file, and plunges it into Ted's arm. He tells her that wasn't playing fair, and we see that there are wires and circuitry under his skin. He twitches and throws in a non-sequitur. Maybe this damaged circuit is responsible for "That'll put marzipan in your pie plate, bingo!" Which could be my favorite line on any TV show, ever.

Ted steps toward Buffy, but hears Joyce come up from the basement. He boots Buffy in the face, knocking her out. He opens the door and rolls his sleeve down over his damaged arm, saying that he and Joyce are going to be very happy. Gross.

Xander breaks a windowpane in Ted's apartment and opens the door. The place looks more like an office. Cordy goes to check the back as Willow looks through Ted's records. She says there are four marriage certificates but no corresponding divorce documents, and is then startled to discover that Ted's first marriage was in 1957. Cordy comes back and says it doesn't look like anyone's even worked there, much less lived there. She also points out that a rug on the floor doesn't go with the rest of the décor. Have to back her up, since the rug is a nice Oriental number and the rest of the place looks like it was furnished in Early Communist Bulgaria. Xander picks up the rug to reveal a trapdoor.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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