Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Ted

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B- | 4 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Come And Knock On Her Door

At another hole, it's Buffy's turn, and she Slayer-spazzes a wild shot. Ted calls her "little lady," and I need no more proof now that he's evil. Joyce says they won't count the shot, but Ted blathers that the rules are the rules, and what lessons they teach her are what she'll take into the world, whether it's at school or "an unchaperoned party." I only transcribe that because I think we're meant to realize later that Ted at this point had already been reading Buffy's diary, and that he's referring to the party in "Reptile Boy." Ted goes on that he doesn't want to overstep his bounds, but "right is right." I believe Glark recently referred to such leadoff disclaimers that are immediately contradicted as something like "the mating call of the disingenuous." He's got recapper in him, that Glark.

Anyway, Joyce shockingly comes around to Ted's viewpoint, and Buffy says she'll play her ball as it lies. She walks around some castle-like structure, picks up her ball, and with a furtive glance around the castle, drops it in the cup and exclaims she got a hole-in-two. Ted's voice cuts in: "Beg to differ." Startled, Buffy turns to see that he's come around the other side of the castle. She tells him to dock her score, but he starts to go a little looney, repeatedly hitting his club against his leg, hard. She says it's just a game, but he disagrees. "It is not a game, it does count, and I don't stand for that kind of malarkey in my house!" Looks like someone's a few mini-pizzas short of a picnic. Buffy notes that she's not actually in his house. Ted, in close-up: "Do you want me to slap that smart-ass mouth of yours?" Buffy looks nicely wigged despite the fact that, from her point of view, she could kick his ass back to the mini-golf clubhouse. Sensing the others behind him, Ted brightens and asks who wants dessert, as he made chocolate chip cookies. Everyone digs in as Buffy looks on in horror. Ted sunnily holds up a cookie for her. Cree-pee.

Summers kitchen. Joyce is sashaying about when Buffy walks in. Joyce offers her a sticky bun, but when she adds that Ted made it, Buffy puts it down, saying she'd like to eat something that Ted didn't make. Joyce doesn't like that attitude, and tells Buffy, "I do not expect you to love him right away like I do but I do expect you to treat him decently." Buffy picks up on the L-word, and Joyce is flustered, but says that men aren't lining up for single parents much these days, making Buffy feel even worse, like, nice job, Joyce. She tries to salvage the situation by reiterating her earlier claim that Ted cares about Buffy, prompting Buffy to relay Ted's threat from the mini-golf course. Joyce breezily says that Ted said no such thing, and of course he didn't in front of you, you twit. Does this woman watch no Lifetime programming? She goes on that Ted told her about Buffy's cheating, and that it was decent of him not to say anything about it in front of the others. Basically, Joyce doesn't listen to a thing Buffy says, and shoos her out, telling her to be home by six, because Ted is cooking them dinner. Buffy, call a lawyer and find out the emancipation age in California. Kids do it on TV all the time. After she leaves, Joyce keeps stuffing her face. Well, that'll have the men beating down your door. At least stop to breathe, you silly person.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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