Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Ted

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B- | 4 USERS: B+
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Come And Knock On Her Door

Chez Summers. Ted is saying grace. He asks that the people in the house be helped to be more productive, more considerate, and -- he opens his eyes and looks at Buffy -- "more honest." Buffy stares at him with her arms folded and a "bring it on, fat boy" look on her face. Ted asks her if she learned anything at school. Icily, she replies, "Quite a bit." Joyce tastes the food and has another orgasm. Yes, it's tough to watch. I was wondering how Ted handled eating, but now I realize that, like Buffy, he hasn't sampled his food at all. Buffy continues to stare, and Joyce finally notices. After a long pause, Buffy asks if they're engaged. Joyce says no, but Ted butts in that if everything goes well, he might ask her to tie the knot soon. He asks Buffy how that would make her feel, and encourages her to be honest. Buffy, fairly evenly: "I'd feel like killing myself." Joyce is shocked, like, where have you been this whole episode, lady? Oh, that's right; you've been on the train to Middle-Aged Schtupville. Ted points out that he told her to be honest, but tells Buffy that she should try to get used to him, because he's here to stay. Buffy asks if she can be excused, and Joyce tells her to go to her room, which she does. Joyce apologizes, but Ted smarms that a good salesman doesn't give up. Hey, Ted, have you read any Arthur Miller?

Park. Buffy, holding a stake, sits on a swing and singsongs, "Here, vampires!" No one answers the call, and she gets up and leaves. From inside Buffy's darkened room, we see her climb in the window, but the camera pans back to reveal Ted sitting in a chair. Buffy asks what he's doing in there, and he chides her for "gallivanting" about town. She steps forward to argue, but notices that he's gone through her things and is holding her diary. She snipes at him for trespassing, but he counters that it's no different from her snooping around his office. Opening the diary, he asks what a vampire slayer is. She says it's none of his business. Ted, evilly: "Beg to differ, little lady. Everything you do is nothing but my business from now on." She tells him to get out of there, but he asks if she'll slay him. "I'm real! I'm not some goblin you made up in your little diary." He goes on that the word for her writings is "delusional," and if she doesn't toe the line, he'll show the diary to Joyce and have her committed. The fact that Buffy doesn't even flinch at this threat shows how much of a retcon the premise of "Normal Again" was. Ted opens the door to leave, but Buffy grabs him and says he's not leaving with the diary. He tells her to unhand him. When she refuses, he smacks her in the face. She smiles and says she was hoping he'd do that, and socks him in the jaw. He knocks her down, but she gets up and starts kicking his ass eight ways from Sunday as Joyce appears on the scene and tells her to stop it. Buffy doesn't desist, however, and kicks Ted toward the stairs. He loses his balance and goes rolling down. Joyce runs down and checks on him. She drops his wrist in shock and looks up at Buffy. "You killed him." Buffy's eyes go wide. Lizzie Borden looks up from hell and sneers, "That was nothing. Slice Mom up and we'll have a drink."

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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