Buffy the Vampire Slayer
The Dark Age

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B- | 5 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Linda Blair She Ain't

We start right in with the fast-paced music of Something Wicked This Way Comes. A middle-aged goateed man with a silver suitcase walks urgently toward the camera. He's on the Sunnydale High campus. A member of the custodial staff appears and asks the man if he needs help. In a British accent, the man says he needs to see Rupert Giles. The custodian directs him to the library, and the Brit takes off. The custodian snits: "You're welcome." Remember that, kids: Observing social niceties may save you from a horrifying death in the Jossverse. I suppose I'd better say, "Please remember that. Thank you for your consideration." Brit Dude heads for the back entrance to the library when he hears a noise. They do that standard horror thing where he looks back, then forward, then back, then forward, then zzzzz. When I wake up, a shadowed female figure is standing near him. She steps forward to reveal that she looks like one of the undead creatures from the video for "Thriller." Also, her eyes glow briefly. Brit Dude asks, "Dierdre?" She rasps in response, "Philip." Too late for the niceties. Let's get with the killing! Zombie Dierdre advances. Philip falls trying to get away, then staggers to the back door and starts banging on it. I'd point out that I don't see any evidence that Zombie Dierdre can actually run, but I've already mentioned why Philip is doomed, so there's no sense belaboring the point.

Inside the library, Buffy is aerobicizing to some wordless dance music. Giles holds his head in pain, and asks if they could turn off the noise. Buffy corrects him that it's music. Giles yells, "Music has notes. This is noise." Buffy refuses to listen. Giles: "Wonderful. You work on your muscle tone while my brain dribbles out of my ears." Outside, as the first crocuses herald the advent of spring, Dierdre finally reaches Philip, and starts choking him. Sensing that an ill-mannered brute has been taught his lesson, Buffy turns the music off. Giles happily breathes, "And the rest is silence," which is a meta-shout-out to the Buffy movie. Philip achieves a silence of his own as Dierdre snaps his neck, and he falls. She collapses next to him, then dissolves into a puddle of bluish goo. Credits.

We see a blur of images centering on some dude who looks like a younger Kiefer Sutherland in hippie attire. It looks like he's involved in a ritual of some sort. Well, there are a lot of candles, at least. Someone tattoos a mark onto a forearm. Aggressive music plays as the dude says, "Eyghon," and that it's time to go to sleep. Soon, he screams. Giles wakes up and looks shaken. There's a big empty space in the bed next to him. What a shame.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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